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Dear friend,

You were made for abundant life!

I’m Phylicia, and welcome to Driven Women! I believe in abundant life, practically. In singleness or marriage, work or home, we can live as overcomers in Christ. Join me in learning how to apply God’s Word and preach the gospel with your life.

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Featured Article

Soulmates, the Pence Rule, and Brothers in Christ

This episode started, as many others do, with a Voxer conversation about soulmates. Do we have soulmates or are we free to marry any available believer? How are we supposed to relate to the opposite sex?

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A good Christian leader doesn’t just tell her people what NOT to do, what NOT to follow or read or listen to - she equips them to think for themselves.
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Why do you think we have so many weak Christian women? Sure, lack of biblical literacy is huge. But it’s also their leadership. If the women leading women spend precious time only pointing out what’s wrong with the world - every possible threat, every slippery slope, all with a tone of “you should already know this” - you’re not creating critical thinkers. You’re creating dependent, fearful, disciples of yourself.
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I myself have pointed out issues with books and teachers that are leading people astray. But I don’t do it so my readers avoid them out of fear - I do it so they DISCERN THROUGH THEM. I do it to make you think and study and arrive at your own conclusion. Gosh, if I knew my people were out telling others they “heard” that Redeeming Love was “bad” so “don’t read it” - I would quit life.
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I hear the word “berean” being thrown around, a reference to people in Acts 17:11 who examined the Old Testament to see if what Paul taught them was true. Do you know what the Bereans were? Wise. Thoughtful. Do you know what they weren’t? Fearful. Dependent on Paul to know what was right and wrong and bad and good. You know what else? I bet the Bereans, and Paul, never found it necessary to be rude, condescending, ungracious in pursuit of truth.
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True discernment will be Spirit led, which means it is not done out of fear of a slippery slope or being deceived. It is done from victorious confidence in God’s wisdom, given to us generously. True discernment will be gracious and truthful, BOTH. True discernment will be rooted in Scripture and not just in denominational persuasions.
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Leaders, make sure the “discernment” you’re teaching is the right kind. And make sure the disciples you’re making are of Jesus - not yourself.

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It is good to wait. And not just to wait, but to wait restfully.
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To grasp such things I have to imagine their opposite: What is un-restful waiting? 🙈 hasty, anxious, posturing, jockeying, controlling, untrusting. You can’t wait restfully if you don’t trust.
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This ongoing conversation about specific prayer has a lot to do with trust. Someone told me they don’t pray specifically because God hasn’t answered prayers like that before. The problem, dear ones, is not God’s response to you. The problem is the heart you bring to His table.
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We don’t pray specifically to get stuff, but to have our eyes opened to His movements. To draw near to His heart. Sometimes He gives us what we ask for because He loves us and is kind. And sometimes He doesn’t give us what we ask for, because He loves us and knows what is best.
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Prayer isn’t about getting things. It’s about building trust, bolstering faith, opening eyes. That takes time and involves a lot of waiting. We can thrash around, resist the wait, kick against the goads — and in so doing miss out on the thing God was doing in us.
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Trusting God begins with the word (your basis for knowing Him), expands in the waiting, and is cultivated through prayer. Praying specifically teaches us to trust God more.

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It may seem like the person who has what you’re hoping for - it may seem as if life easy for her. That she doesn’t have lonely days because she’s married. He doesn’t get frustrated at work because he has his dream job. She never feels left behind, gutted by unfulfillment, because she has children.
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Looking at the lives of others through the lens of our own desire is like looking in a funny house mirror. Some things are magnified, others minimized, until what we see isn’t reality at all.
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Your feelings about her, and what you think you know of her life, are not trustworthy. And you have a choice: to honor her life and stage and blessings, or to let envy eat you alive.
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There is a reason Paul sets envy and love in contrast in Galatians 5; envy as a work of the flesh, love as a work of the Spirit. Simply put, you can’t be walking in the Spirit and be angry at your sister’s success.
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Truth is, we don’t know how long she waited
How hard it’s been
What they went through
How much they give
Where they’ve journeyed
Or what God’s using her to accomplish.
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Lord, help us celebrate her story, and trust You with ours.

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Who told you not to pray specifically?
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Who told you to pretend God doesn’t see your heart?
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Who told you to “clean up” your prayers, to lie to God, to pray as if He doesn’t hear (or doesn’t want to)?
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Jesus never told you to do this. The Lord, our God, His Spirit - they never told you to do this.
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When I pray, I return again and again to Psalm 116: He hears me, He inclines His ear (He turns His head toward me). In James, we are exhorted to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger”. Why would James command something God Himself does not exemplify?
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Your Father is quick to hear. His answer may be slow; His response not what you planned. But He HEARS you, quickly, immediately, turning toward you when you cry to Him.
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Who told you He did otherwise?
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A few months ago I showed you a Tupperware in which I put Post It notes prayers and anxieties. I prayed them to the Lord and then boxed them up to look at later. @handstolearn saw it and created this prayer box ☝🏼that is a much more beautiful version of what I was using. When we moved into Willows Bend, I opened the box.
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Here were my fears. Here were my anxieties. Here were my hopes & specific dreams, written where I could see what He already knew.
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And every one was answered.
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It is not presumptuous to pray specifically. It’s what God expects. What do you pray if not specifics? What of your life do you share if not the reality? What do you accomplish by hiding from God?
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Do not let someone’s reactive theology prevent you from biblical intimacy.
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Pray specifically. Pray boldly. Watch expectantly. You serve a God who actually cares.

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Yesterday we walked across freshly fallen snow to say hi to the neighbor’s steers. They peered over the fence with their dark eyes; Adeline wanted to hug them.
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We didn’t know when we started this process three months ago (?!) how real it would become. It feels like Sabbath. It feels like a soft landing after a year of running uphill. Or laying on the couch, since I didn’t do much running since June 25th 🤪
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Last week Josh and our always-supportive community moved us into the farmhouse while I was at Verity downstate. There is no wifi at the farm, which means I have to come into town to do most of my real work. It’s a huge change of pace and life for us, and I am grateful.
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We bake cookies and homeschool and read on the couch and walk across land wide and uninhibited. Living in town for three years was so sweet. So many eternal things happened there. And now we get to do something new!
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I told my mom that I knew God was leading on this transition partially because I never became discontent in the process. I held our old house in open hands, hopeful and expectant, but never once did I disdain its smallness. Never once did I hate the fact I could see the neighbor’s siding out the windows and could never have goats & chickens in town. I was hoping for a change, but content in the transition. And I realized - that’s a peace surpassing understanding.
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I remember that feeling from when I was single. When I was dating but not engaged. When I was in a job I really didn’t like. Only when I gave it to Him hour by hour, praying specifically and boldly with open hands, did the peace pervade my existence. And how “worth it” that was!
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Be sure to watch the House Story highlight for how it all happened. ❤️

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Can I count the tears shed within these walls? Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of sadness and loss? I held the hands of friends grieving death. I was held by those who walked with me through the despair of skin disease. I was there as people poured out their hearts & hurts in this living room, and there when we prayed for healing, whole and real.
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Can I count the laughter ringing still within these walls? The times we sang for little birthdays, the days my closest friends pealed until we couldn’t stand? I was there when joy and bread were shared around our table. I saw them leave my door laughing, heard it echo down the street at midnight as I closed the blinds and smiled.
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Can I count eternity, stamped within these walls? So much contained in three short years... a place of birth, not just of my secondborn, but of every joy and laugh and new friendship begun and old friendship deepened. It was a place where life was made and life was lived. Where I was shaped and I was changed. Where marriage grew and love bloomed true.
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This house held us.
This house grew us.
This house changed us.
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The first year here someone came to a bible study we hosted and told us, “I recognize this place now. I used to party here in high school. How neat I’m here for a bible study today.” I don’t think that’s coincidence. I think that’s redemption.
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We’re handing Jefferson Avenue off to a Christian widow who will finish what we restored. We have a new house now... but Jefferson, you’ll always have a place in my heart ❤️

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How do you measure success at a gathering of women who love God? I don’t know, except that He be glorified. I think that happened today. At least, it happened for me. My team and I put this event on for all of you (130 women from 11 states and 2 countries!) but we came away impacted for life. Impacted by your voices, your passion, your desire to be women of depth.

My heart in creating Verity was to make a space for women who want to go deep, together. Women who walk the fine line between extremes, who want to be balanced and gracious and fair while also adhering to theological orthodoxy. I hope you felt welcome today. I hope I got to hug your neck and say hello and if not, know I wanted to!

It’s interesting timing, wrapping up Verity for the second time. Josh moved into our new house today and when I get home, we won’t have internet for a while. This was a bit of a “last hurrah” as we transition to a new life. Thank you for being part of it ❤️

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“When I joined Driven Women, I didn’t realize that many women were struggling with the same spiritual struggles I was experiencing on a daily basis. Phylicia really enlightened me and being part of her community has brought me closer to Jesus and my family!” -Tiffany H.

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