This week on Uniquely Woman, Lisa and I are tackling the subject of modesty. This very controversial subject actually launched my blog to fame in 2013 with my post “5 Myths About Modesty“. There is much confusion over how to honor God with our dress in today’s society – but Lisa and my take on modesty, and what it is and is not, may surprise some readers (especially those who were angered by my post).
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I will never have a “thigh gap”.
My body is physically incapable of producing this cultural phenomenon. My hips are too narrow, my quads are too big – and no amount of working out and eating well can change that. If anything, working out makes my already-big quads even bigger, my already-broad shoulders broader, and the whispy, ectomorph body that much more unattainable for my athletic build.
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My seven-year-old son just started taking notice of how people come in different sizes and shapes. He talks to his Daddy about how to get “big” muscles and pretends to do push ups. And, just the other day, as I innocently sat on the couch wearing a pair of shorts, he pushed at the flab under my thighs and said with enthusiasm, “Wow, Mom! Look at how big this is! Wow! You’re sooo huge! Good job, Mom.”
Not exactly, son. Not exactly.
I tried not to over-react. Part of me wanted to yell at him, “That is NOT a compliment for a girl!” But, since I just published a book on body image, I’m supposed to be as neutral as Switzerland when it comes to body shapes and sizes. I must teach my children that people come in a variety of packages and we love and treat them all, just the same.
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I wore this today because I’m insecure.
I looked in the mirror and the mirror told me lies. But I believe them, because they’re all I’ve ever known:
You’re not enough. You’re not attractive. You’re unloveable.
I wore this today because I want attention.
I looked in a magazine and the magazine lied. But I believe it, because it says I can be confident:
Show off your body. Make them look. Make them jealous.
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Objectification: this isn’t just a passing issue. It’s a deeply spiritual problem.
Typically this conversation centers on women, but I’m bothered by the media’s silence about men. Too often, the internet speaks only to deride their “incompetence” or call them to the higher standard they should be meeting. Certainly, men need to rise to the challenge of manhood, just as women need to mature into an adulthood of their own. But many issues that fall into the “female” category are just as applicable to men.
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