Celebrating Your Sexuality as a Single Woman


Sexuality isn't evil. Sexuality is an incredible gift from God! But by goading us either to idolize this gift or despise it, Satan has sexually crippled thousands of women.

We don’t often hear the words “celebrate” and “sexuality” in the same sentence, particularly within the church. It may even bring to mind some negative or New Age-y connotations, like National Naked Gardening Day or the “Free the Nipple” movement. But that’s not what I’m talking about. This topic brought up some great questions in the Lust Free Living groups I launched two weeks ago, and it deserves discussion here as well.

If I had to make a generalized statement about Christian women, it would be this: they need a mental overhaul concerning sexuality. Satan has worked overtime to make premarital sex irresistible and post-marital sex undesirable, and more than a few young women have bought his lies. One such lie is that our sexuality is dirty and evil, not to be discussed – and most certainly not to be celebrated.

Sexuality isn’t evil. Sexuality is an incredible gift from God! But by goading us either to idolize this gift or despise it, Satan has sexually crippled thousands of women. By making sex more or less than it actually is, our spiritual enemy can completely alter our approach to it both before and after marriage. 

Our sexuality is just one facet of our being, but that part of us is intrinsically connected to our minds, bodies, and spirits. Sexuality involves all the parts of who we are and as such is an incredible responsibility – but it’s a responsibility worth celebrating, and here’s how.

Recognize the Beauty

You are altogether beautiful, my love;
    there is no flaw in you. (Song 4:7)

Our sexual capability – and to a degree, even our desires – are good, holy, and beautiful. They are designed to bring glory to God (and pleasure to us) when used according to God’s direction:

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God… (1 Thess. 4:3-5)

Our sexuality is not dirty. But when used for selfish purposes, it becomes tainted by sin. When we use our sexual capabilities and responses outside of God’s design, we experience guilt and shame. The enemy leads us to believe that sex – not sin – is the source of our shame. As long as we believe that sex is the problem, we will be blind to the real issue at hand: the spiritual war being waged against us. 

By recognizing that the essence of our sexuality is beautiful and holy, we operate on a higher plane. We are covered by the sacrificial blood of Christ and His blood didn’t just cover our eternal destiny. Christ died so we could be wholly redeemed. If our whole being is made new in Christ, we are indeed a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17), altogether beautiful in the eyes of God: spiritually, physically, and sexually.

Reject the Lies

…he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. (2 Peter 1:4)

Above all else, Satan is a liar. Because our sexuality affects our greatest vulnerabilities – and because it is precious to God – the enemy targets it at every opportunity. He uses the same lies over and over:

This negative perspective of sexuality causes us to see it as burdensome, wearying, shameful, and dirty. When we view it in this light, sexual sin is perpetuated by despair.

Satan’s sexuality is not celebrated: it is either hidden or flaunted. It is no longer a part of who we are – it becomes all of who we are. For some, this results in a spiral of shame and defeat. Others will use their sexuality as a form of power and manipulation. Sex becomes either the problem or the idol, but always exalted above the power of God. Blinded from the truth by a false sexuality, many women give up or give in.

But you don’t have to.

Reframe Your Perspective

And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. (Ezekiel 11:19)

Lie-based sexuality burdens us with sin or selfishness. God’s design brings freedom.

A positive, celebratory sexual perspective is empowering. It motivates holy living and pure choices, strengthening us against lustful desires and drawing us into fellowship with the Lord. This perspective requires that we reframe what we’ve been taught about our sexuality, letting go of the lies and replacing them with God’s truth.

Your sexuality is not the enemy. Your body is not the enemy. Your desires are not the enemy.

Your enemy is Satan, and you are engaged in a spiritual war designed to separate you from Jesus Christ.

Sin separates us from God, and sexual sin has even greater implications:

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Cor. 6:18)

Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy our perspective of sex. Christ came to give us abundant life (John 10:10). Our sexuality is part of our created design, and it’s part of our Christian lives. Therefore it follows that our sexuality should be as submitted to Christ as the rest of our being. What is given over to Christ requires His perspective: the perspective of hope, peace, and joy. Grace-driven, gratitude-focused women will use their sexuality to the glory of God because they see through Satan’s lies to God’s intentions.

Rejoice in God’s Intentions

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8)

Do you know why we disobey God? Because we don’t trust Him.

Every act of disobedience is a statement: God, you aren’t enough for me. 

Whether we disobey regarding our finances, relationships, or sexuality, it all comes down to trust. If we believed God were enough – that He would provide, protect, and otherwise do everything He has promised to do in His Word – we wouldn’t take matters into our own hands – or take the fruit from Satan’s.

The enemy’s first lie – and the root of every lie he tells – is the same: Did God really say…? 

Is God really enough? Is God’s plan for sex really good? Isn’t He withholding something from you?

When we rejoice in God’s intentions for our sexuality, we show gratitude for His design. We evidence trust in His plan and peace with the body He has given us. Our sexuality is a gift, but when single, that fullness of that gift is relegated to a later time. This doesn’t make it any less of a gift! By celebrating our sexuality – viewing it with positivity and joy – we are able to embrace God’s intentions for our womanhood.

True sexual freedom can’t be found in what the world has to offer, where men and women are slaves to their own desires. Women who embrace God’s design for their sexuality handle desire spiritually first. They are not motivated by impulse, but by goodness. They aren’t asking, “How far can I go?” but “How holy can I be?”

Rejoicing in our single sexuality means thanking God that He loves us enough to design us with such a beautiful capability. And when the time is right, you will know the completeness of that gift.

Want more on this topic? Don’t miss my ebook Christian Cosmo: The Sex Talk You Never Had


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