“Why would God give me these desires if He’s not going to fulfill them?”
It’s a question many young men and women are asking. It’s a question I see at least once a week in my email, sometimes once a day. It’s a pressing concern for Christians, who, in their walk with God are commanded to “be holy as He is holy” – all the while battling a longing for companionship, or marriage, or – well, sex!
What do I do with these desires?
A lilac bush scraped the glass every time the wind danced through its branches, and with each scrape I paused over the list before me. I was leaned against my hope chest in the sunlight, my bible at my elbow, chewing on the end of my pen as I thought carefully over each bullet point. I tried to keep my cursive even so it looked pretty. After all, I planned to have this list a long time: I was only sixteen.
Eight years later I found the List. It was folded neatly in the back of my high school bible…
There are so many seasons of waiting. When I was single, much of the waiting conversation revolved around finding a spouse. But after being married for six years, I’ve seen clearly that waiting is required of us in every single stage of life. Waiting is difficult because it requires trust. We can’t see the end game; we don’t know the outcome. We’re standing still (or so it feels like) until the next step if revealed to us.
I thought back to the days when I was single. It seemed as if contentment was that evasive virtue I only learned the hard way. When God got me to the place of dependence, in walked Mr. M! So there I was, weeks before getting engaged (though I did not know this), blessed beyond measure with a gift many girls long for, and discontent was knocking at my door again.
The moment my phone vibrated with the text alert, it was as if the suspension was blown out of my world. Months of praying, hoping, wishing, and waiting were suddenly brought to a halt at once. The news was in, and it was good.
I sat at my desk as tears welled up in my eyes. I cried too, Mr. M’s text said. God is so gracious.
After the initial shock, surprise, and emotion I immediately wanted to tell everyone within a fifteen foot radius of myself. Since that included my phone I would have liked to send a mass text trumpeting the information, but we decided to stay quiet till more details come to light. So I just sat, thinking back on the last seven months.