Join me in welcoming Daniel as our guest blogger today! I enjoy welcoming a male contributor to the site once in a while and Daniel’s post offers some fantastic insight into Christian marriage. He shares the five things that attracted him to his wife and why those things are integral to a quality relationship.
Young women are bombarded with pop culture messages about the preeminent importance of attracting men via their physical appearance and through sexuality. Unfortunately, those same messages also tie strength of womanhood to how open and bold a woman is in expressing her sexual desires through behavior and appearance.
As a married Christian man, though, I can say unequivocally that to the Godly man, who will treasure you for a lifetime more than a priceless gem, that true strength and beauty are found in the content of a woman’s heart and the strength of her character.
To me, my wife, Staci, is the most beautiful woman on earth, the apple of my eye. And though as a husband I undoubtedly find her body extremely attractive, if I were to list out the traits that most attracted me to her, her radiant heart and spirit would always be most important.
Because there is no Photoshop in marriage. You cannot crop out the traits that you don’t like. You cannot erase the “imperfections.” You cannot paint in features at the places you pick and choose. You cannot make them, physically or otherwise, into the person you think they ought to be.
Our spouses are the beautiful masterpieces God designed them to be, and as men we have no right or expectation that they should be otherwise. You, as a young woman, are “fearfully and wonderfully made” by the Lord (Psalm 139), and any man who would ever try to critique or condemn that creation should be avoided.
And any man worth marrying will never try to mold you into his image of beauty. He will treasure your thoughts, ideas, and opinions above all else. He will seek to be your defender, protector, provider, and best friend, long before he seeks to be your lover. To the man who seeks Christ, the radiant heart matters above all else.
Ephesians 5:25-26 sets an uncompromising standard for how the Godly husband ought to treat his wife. “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.”
A wife has every right to hold her husband to this standard. Because to God, the husband and wife are one in marriage.
So with that said, let me briefly share the five things that attract me most to my wife:
- Her devotion to God – Where I am very logical and detailed, and often worry over every little nuance and problem, Staci possesses a childlike faith and devotion to the Lord that amazes me. While she has faith struggles, just the same as anyone, she lives with an inherent trust that the Lord has everything in His hands. Everything that emanates from her life demonstrates without a doubt her gratitude for, and dependence upon, the Lord’s grace, and her heart embodies belief in God’s provision.
- Her humble, compassionate heart – Staci has a deeper empathy for the suffering of others than almost anyone I have ever encountered. To see others experience pain and grief often moves her to tears. To see that suffering caused by someone else’s hand often moves her to anger. In a world that is often blind and indifferent to pain, the simple fact that she cares so much for what others endure is one of her most beautiful qualities. And that compassionate heart is also an extremely humble one. It sounds almost contradictory to say, but one of the reasons she touches me so deeply is the fact that she doesn’t realize how much she does. She’ll often say “it is no big deal” – but that humble spirit is a big deal. And that humble heart is also a servant’s heart, one that is willing to do whatever is necessary and not seek the spotlight.
- Her willingness to hold me accountable (Even when it is not what I want to hear) – One of the reasons I have grown so much as a man of God is because I have a wife who is willing to hold me accountable to my responsibilities to her, my family, my job, my church, and my community. God has given Staci a great gift for pointedly saying exactly what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it. But her compassion allows her to do it in a beautiful way that builds me up and encourages me as a man, instead of tearing me down. I cherish this gift, because it allows me to see where I need to grow, but also encourages and nourishes my strengths and passions, as well.
- Her Strong, Passionate Spirit – Staci is the oldest child in rural Kansas farm family, so the word “passive” is not in her vocabulary. She is as tough as nails, and does not like to be told she cannot do something. She works hard for everything, and is always determined that nothing will hold her back from accomplishing the tasks the Lord has put in front of her. Far from being threatened by such a spirit, I find it is her untamable spirit that makes her shine.
- Her openness in communication (on anything) – Staci and I both noticed early on that even if we were not married, we would still have no problem being friends. Why? Because we can communicate openly about anything without fear of condemnation. We can have hour-long conversations about anything or nothing.
No doubt, we do not see eye-to-eye on everything – there are many things which we disagree on, sometimes passionately.
But there is nothing we do not trust each other with. She has seen, and treasured, the deepest, most vulnerable pieces of my heart, and I hers. We met at the most broken, vulnerable point in my life, and she loved and accepted every bit of who I was, and am, not in spite of who I was, but because of who I was.
And through the storms that come, it is this ability to communicate openly and earnestly about all things, and a mutual trust in each other, and in the Lord, that sustains us. As we focus together on Christ, the heartbeat of any marriage, we will, no doubt love each other as He loved us, long after the physical fades.
To the Man of God, you will be a priceless treasure, because that is how Your Creator sees you. Never settle for any less than a man who will always view you not through his own eyes, but through the eyes of His Lord!