Good Christian girls don’t talk about it; they aren’t even sure what to do with it. We know sex is for marriage, but what do you do before marriage? What do you do with these desires?
I can tell you one thing NOT to do: run from it. We need to stop running from our sexuality. I’m not talking about sexual sin or temptation; I’m talking about sexuality itself – our capacity for desire, the foundation of marital intimacy. Our sexual selves don’t suddenly “turn on” once we say “I do”. Our sexuality is part of our identities.
I believe many marital issues arise because women are taught to ignore or run from their sexuality until they get married. But once married, they have no lens through which to view their sexuality. This weights intimacy with enormous shame, even when used in its proper context. This is not right, friends. This is not God’s intention.
I’ve written on the importance of celebrating your sexuality and why we should honor women who walk in God’s design. Now here are three reasons to stop running from this part of your Christ-won identity, and instead let your sexuality preach the gospel.
Your Sexuality is Real
Your sexuality is as much a part of you as your ears, nose, arms and legs. You are created with the capacity not just to reproduce, but to enjoy intimacy with your husband. This is a very real part of who you are as a woman of God.
Nowhere in Scripture is sexuality described as shameful, evil, or bad. Nor is sexuality relegated to a corner of our being, not to be noticed until a ring slips on our finger. Sex in Scripture is only evil when used outside of God’s design: fornication, adultery, abuse, and perversion. Even then, sex itself is not the problem – sin is.
Your sexual self – your desires, your anatomy, your understanding of your body – was intentionally designed. The Fall and sin have affected it, but in Christ, they do not control it.
But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (Rom. 8:9)
By embracing your sexuality as a real, tangible part of who you are in Christ, you take the first step to living free from shame – past, present, or future.
Your Sexuality is Good
To take this a step further, your sexuality is not just real – it is good. If you are in Christ, you are a new creation:
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…” (2 Cor. 5:17-18)
As I shared in the post “Celebrating Your Sexuality as a Single Woman”:
Our sexuality is not dirty. But when used for selfish purposes, it becomes tainted by sin. When we use our sexual capabilities and responses outside of God’s design, we experience guilt and shame. The enemy leads us to believe that sex – not sin – is the source of our shame. As long as we believe that sex is the problem, we will be blind to the real issue at hand: the spiritual war being waged against us.
By recognizing that the essence of our sexuality is beautiful and holy, we operate on a higher plane. We are covered by the sacrificial blood of Christ and His blood didn’t just cover our eternal destiny. Christ died so we could be wholly redeemed. If our whole being is made new in Christ, we are indeed a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17), altogether beautiful in the eyes of God: spiritually, physically, and sexually.
Girls who view their sexuality as “bad” or a burden are a prime target for the Enemy’s lies. If your sexuality is evil, temptation is not a reflection of the Enemy’s work; it is a reflection of your very own self. This creates a cycle of guilt, shame, and defeat. What’s more, it creates a tribe of women who hate their own sexuality – and even resent the God who gave it to them.
To view your sexuality as good, you must first know who you are in Christ and what was accomplished on the Cross. You must then repent of any existing sexual sin and be reconciled to God. And finally, you must begin the healing process in your mind and heart, opening your eyes to the fingerprints of God on your sexuality, letting it be a part of you, and allowing your desires to push you toward Him, not away from His love.
Your Sexuality Can Honor God
Women who embrace their sexuality like this live in true sexual freedom. The world’s brand of sexual freedom appears “free”, but is in fact a bondage to objectification, pain, promiscuity, and emptiness. God’s sexual freedom is the only kind of freedom there is: liberty within boundaries.
How can you be sexually free if boundaries exist? By the simple fact that freedom itself means nothing without boundaries. There must be an objective definition of freedom in order for it to exist – otherwise it’s not freedom, but anarchy. So when we align our sexuality with God’s design – saving sex for marriage and living lives of celebratory holiness in the meantime – we are FREE from the consequences of cultural sexuality.
We are FREE from sexual addictions.
We are FREE from being used by selfish men.
We are FREE from the pain of a one-night stand.
We are FREE to boldly be uniquely woman.
By living out this sexual freedom, we honor God. We use our sexuality to point back to Him. We share our stories of sexual redemption that His name may be glorified. We SPEAK UP about our pasts and our pain so that other women can find hope.
Dear girl, stop running from your sexuality. See it the way God sees it. Let it draw you to the throne of grace, let it preach the gospel in your heart, and let it free you to be fully woman, fully Christian, and fully loved by God.
Want to hear more on this topic? My ebook on biblical sexuality comes out March 1st, 2017! Sign up below to be first in line for the launch!