“I just didn’t think it was possible to stay pure after falling.” she said, fighting back tears.
As a girl who had previously obliterated my own purity, I wondered the same thing myself. I was a new Christian faced with the mistakes I had made and the consequences they brought to my doorstep. Could I truly say “no” if my next boyfriend wanted to have sex? Was it even possible to conquer the beast that is lust?
Here’s the biggie: Could I ever love God more than my sexual desires?
I shot out of the gate ready. There was no wishy-washy, “Maybe, I’ll give this a try.”, “Maybe I’ll just get my AA for now.” No maybe – I knew. I was leaving my private high school and small town behind, headed straight for a communications degree. A different coastline and cities with more than a handful of stoplights would be my future.
I was decisive and ready.
When we met (online) two years ago, we were both expecting baby girls, just 1 day apart. We didn’t have chance to meet until after her Addie was born, and eerily enough, she had no idea my baby girl would have been called Addie, too. I am so grateful for her friendship, especially as we walked through the trials that child-bearing has brought, and so excited to share with you, her readers, today!
One of the questions I receive every Monday on my Q&A show is, “What are your favorite podcasts?” The list is embarrassingly long! So this week, I’m starting a new blog series that I think you’re going to love: biweekly podcast playlists! Every other week I’ll be sharing the must-listen episodes you don’t want to miss.
Loneliness is a human condition – not relegated to singleness, but present in marriage, motherhood, work, and home as we experience seasons of relational and spiritual drought. We want it to go away, and for good reason. The gnawing feeling of “aloneness” is uncomfortable. But when we rush through these seasons, desperate for them to end, we’re missing out on their purpose.
Your loneliness can glorify God. In fact, when this trial – because that’s what loneliness is – is permitted to accomplish its full work, loneliness always points to the goodness and glory of Jesus Christ.
“Follow your heart” – this is Disney’s recommendation for those seeking life direction. But it’s not just Disney; it’s the kindergarten curriculum and the children’s books, the songs on the radio and graduation cards. When choosing a life path, we’re supposed to “do what we love” – because if we’re doing what we love, we’ve found our calling. Right?
Six years of my career was spent in higher education, five of those years as a college counselor. As I sit down with parents and students, some starry-eyed and optimistic, others uncertain and under pressure, I frequently come back to the “Disney lie”: That doing what you love is the ticket to success, and that success – in and of itself – will lead to long term happiness.
God’s will and our desires don’t always coincide. Yesterday I talked about the reality of this in my own life; how our waiting season has tested our desires against our faith. And though we do not grieve and wait as those who have no hope (1 Thess. 4:13), the knowledge that God answers according to His sovereign will, not always according to our ideas, can be frightening at times.
It behooves us, then, to prepare our hearts to accept God’s will – no matter what His answer may be.
I look out the window of the plane and the desert landscape falls away from me. The few days I spent in Oregon last week encouraged, refreshed, and equipped my heart for the unknown days ahead – days of waiting, praying, and expecting great things of our good, good, Father.
But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. Josh and I have now been facing a very difficult family situation for almost six weeks. We continue to pray, to seek, to knock – but even in the seeking and the knocking we know that God is sovereign, and His timing is not ours. The thing we’re asking for is good. But we have yet to receive an answer to our prayers.
I will never have a “thigh gap”.
My body is physically incapable of producing this cultural phenomenon. My hips are too narrow, my quads are too big – and no amount of working out and eating well can change that. If anything, working out makes my already-big quads even bigger, my already-broad shoulders broader, and the whispy, ectomorph body that much more unattainable for my athletic build.
I tried to diet and exercise my body into submission, but I could never arrive at a place of contentment. I went through my twenties thinking a man’s love might help me feel better. But, all my comparing only seem to exacerbate once we said, “I do.”
Naively, I assumed that some day, I’d be free from all my comparison struggles. And, I thought that day would come when I changed my title to, “Mom.”