In all these conversations about singleness, we keep coming back to the same point: Trust God. That’s great in theory, but what does it look like in daily life? Singleness is not a problem, but it is a season of trial. Designed for relationships, our sexuality is part of our created natures. Though singleness is a season of tremendous opportunity, these two factors make it a season of difficulty as well.
Trusting God through difficult seasons will always be hard. A singleness wished away is a singleness wasted. We need our single years to prepare for God’s call on our lives! That’s why trusting God with your singleness will be the best spiritual discipline you ever learn. Here’s how to do it.
Commit Your Ways to Him
Singleness is a lesson in control. Because we cannot control when we’ll move from “single” to “in a relationship”, our human nature attempts to inhabit God’s role in our lives. Each time we despair about singleness, we’re saying: “I can’t control this, therefore I no longer believe God is good or able to bring me a relationship in His sovereign timing.” That’s like saying, “If I were God, this wouldn’t be happening to me.”
There are parts of your life that you can control, and it is wise to discipline yourself in those areas (pursue goals, make healthy choices, honor your appearance, and work on your walk with the Lord). But ultimately, your ways are not His ways! In order to trust God with your single season, you need to make a practice of trusting God with your entire life.
Daily commit your ways to God. Commit to seek His will for today: His will for what is right in front of you. Study the guidance He’s already given you (His Word) and use it to determine your life direction. When committing to Him is your daily habit, He promises to direct your path (Prov. 3:5-6).
Stop Trying to Control
Committing your way to the Lord is a practice in relinquishing control. Like anything practiced, surrender is not a one-time thing. Trusting God with your singleness will be a daily (sometimes hourly) choice.
Trust requires vigilance. It’s human to wander from God and choose self-will over faith. Our nature is to seize control of that which was previously surrendered. Because this is our natural bent, we must remain conscious of our heart attitudes. Control looks different for everyone; for some it manifests itself as despair (“I can’t control my circumstances so I give up on hope/life/God”), or arrogance (“God has deprived me, so I’ll become master of my own destiny”), or even false patience (“God is in control, so I won’t do anything with my life in the meantime”). All of these responses are forms of control disguised as humility or confidence.
Real trust brings freedom. God’s Word says so (Gal. 5:1) and I know because I’ve experienced it! Real trust begins when we stop focusing on our singleness, or on trying to force faith, and lean into God Himself.
Trust That He is Good and Able
When I encourage young women to trust God with this season, the inevitable response is, “I could – if I knew God had marriage in store for me.” But if you already knew, you wouldn’t need faith in the first place! To wish you could shortcut faith in this season is to wish away the entirety of what you believe. If you claim to be a Christian, you are called to a bold trust in the character and love of God. Either that trust applies to ALL of your life – including your singleness – or none of it. Christianity is all or nothing.
Scripture points to the goodness and ability of God. He is both perfectly good and almighty, which means He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Like a good Father, He gives good gifts to His children – when He sees they are mature enough to receive them.
Your faith in God should be centered on His goodness and ability. If you doubt God’s goodness, you’ll resent Him and view your singleness as unfair. When you doubt God’s ability, you’ll try to speed things up and make choices that don’t reflect His priorities. But if you choose trust in who He says He is (which is why you MUST be in the Word daily), you’ll trust that His love guides His timing, and this faith will buoy you through the lonely seasons.
The faith learned in singleness will be with you for the rest of your life. Don’t waste it. Don’t wish it away. You’ll need it for work, for marriage, for motherhood, for missions – for every calling God places upon you from here to eternity.
Choose today who you will trust.