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I Waited Until My Wedding To Lose My Virginity, and It’s the Best Thing I Ever Did

I Waited Until My Wedding To Lose My Virginity, and It’s the Best Thing I Ever Did

Aug 13, 2014 | ,

Phy, you need to read this.”

I got that text from my friend while I was sipping coffee in renovated cottage-turned-cafe. It contained a link.

“This writer did a purity pledge,” The texts continued. “And has rejected all of it. You need to read it, and some of the comments.”

So I did, and as tears welled in my eyes, I knew I’d have to do what I really don’t like doing: write a response post.

The article was entitled “It Happened to Me: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity and I Wish I Hadn’t”. I read it in its entirety. The more I read, the more heartbroken I felt for Samantha (the author) and the twisted experience she relayed in the post. But my sadness was overwhelmed with a sense of utter urgency.

A lot of young women will read that post: young women who have made purity pledges and are waiting for an excuse to walk away from them. Young women teetering on the bring of sexual and spiritual destruction. Young women wondering if it is even worth this waiting-for-marriage.

So I’m going to battle for the other side because this waiting-for-marriage thing – it’s worth it. In fact, waiting for marriage to lose my virginity was the best decision I ever made.

1. My commitment to purity wasn’t to a church: it was to Christ Himself…

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5 Things to Do When You Don’t Know What to Say

5 Things to Do When You Don’t Know What to Say

Aug 8, 2014 |

“There are times silence is like lettuce in your teeth; incredibly awkward, but without a sudden exit to the bathroom, no way to deal with it appropriately.

Our high school method for such silences was to lay one hand on top of the other, spinning thumbs like a turtle’s fins and hollering “AWKWARD TURTLE” until we were all laughing again. But I can’t do that at work, even though there are times I’d really like to. I can see it going down in the conference room, me in my black suit looking professional but completely ‘I Love Lucy’ on the inside:

“Where did these matriculation rates come from? The business intelligence office?”

{Silence.}

“AWKWARD TURTLE!”

It could be really great.

There are a lot of times I don’t know what to say, whether it be in a conference room, on the phone with a friend, or in the living room with my husband. Sometimes I know what I want to say but I know I shouldn’t say it, which leaves me gasping for synonyms like a landed catfish.

But God gives us a template for what to say in those situations. He even gives us a few options to choose from.”

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Type A Diaries: Becoming Interruptable

Aug 4, 2014 |

Type A Girl here.

I love children, and I can’t wait for the day Mr. M and I have our own. We’ve arranged our life in a manner that plans for children and is ready to support them if they happen to appear on the scene. But I’m not living in a fantasy world.

I already know what’s going to happen when my precious, mostly-silent infant gains a tongue and mobility: I’m going to be interrupted… all the time.

When I think about our future family, I get this knot of trepidation in my stomach not because I know I’ll be inconvenienced and interrupted, not because life will change, not because some sort of perceived ‘freedom’ is taken away by having kids – but because I know that my current self would have a very, very difficult time dropping everything to take care of pint-size interruptions.

It’s bad enough at work, during my spring cleaning, or even while I’m staring obsessively at my whirring KitchenAid.

I hold up one finger. “Hang on! I’m in the middle of something.”

“But -”

“I can’t talk right now, I’m doing things.”

Which is a lie, because I’ve always been able to talk while doing things. It’s one of my most developed skill sets.

I work with the most interruptable woman I have ever met. Her name is Joy, and she lives up to that name in everything she does. No matter what she is doing – which is always a lot – she will set it down, look you in the face, and listen to your need. She’ll help you. She’ll take care of you. She’ll even do your job for you. And she’s not the least bit put out by the fact you gave her no notice at all….

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That Day He Wore Skinny Jeans: 5 Reasons Men Should Be Modest, Too

That Day He Wore Skinny Jeans: 5 Reasons Men Should Be Modest, Too

Aug 1, 2014 |

The band was performing with gusto, lights flashing, fog fuming, guitars screaming. The lead singer rotated between unintelligible hollering into the microphone and racing around the stage with his companions. But it wasn’t his voice – nor his sick guitar skills – that caught my eye. His pants were, quite literally, center stage.

Not only were they skin tight on his large man-thighs, they were awkwardly skinny at the ankle, making him look something like a Thanksgiving turkey. And he definitely didn’t pick Curvy Fit, because the waistband was in a terrible state of gappage. I could see the better half (worse half?) of his plaid boxers, and I was more than a little grossed out.

In defense of female immodesty, some say: “Why are we only talking about women? What about the men, don’t they have to be modest too?” This argument is, at its core, invalid and fallacious; an ignoratio elenchi (ignoring the actual refutation) that shifts focus from the woman’s responsibility by drawing attention to the responsibility of the man. It never deals with the issue itself. Modesty, as pertains to women, is a dual responsibility, one that requires men keep their eyes to themselves and women to show self-respect and love for God by how they choose to dress. The 5 Myths of Modesty post deals with the female side of this equation.

But do men need to be modest? That’s what I’m addressing today.

Modesty is simply humility of mind worked out in dress. As the 5 Myths post concluded, how we dress is a direct reflection of our personal choices of behavior and worship of God. It is by no means the ONLY reflection – but it is one of them. Therefore the same attitudes, actions, and responsibilities that apply to women and modesty also apply to men…

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Go Now, and Sin No More

Go Now, and Sin No More

Jul 30, 2014 |

The light was bright as the sun: gleaming, searing, so intense I could only squint down at my feet as I shuffled up the steps. Enormous doors opened slowly as I approached, their engravings deep and elaborate. Everything – the doors, the steps, the light – was brilliant white.

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Type A Diaries: He Should Be Able to Handle It

Type A Diaries: He Should Be Able to Handle It

Jul 18, 2014 | ,

“Turn around and do it again!” My coach yelled from the fence.

“Tighten your legs!”

“Heels down! Look at the corner!”

“Turn around and do it again! Pick his hind feet up!”

Over and over I steered my horse along the fence rail and pushed him into a canter. Over and over I adjusted my seat, pressured him in the ribs and tried to force him to change his lead. His ears flicked between my murmur and my coach’s yell.

“That’s it, boy, come on, you can do it,” I said softly. I tapped his hindquarters, pushed him forward and twitched my ring finger. I felt the slight jolt of his shoulders and his stride changed. Immediately, I stopped him and patted his neck; his chest was heaving from thirty minutes of repetition.

The relationship between a horse and rider is more of a partnership than anything else: the rider asks something of the horse, and the horse responds in turn, with the reward of pats or pasture for his efforts. He may not always like the commands he receives; he may buck and pull and resist, but it is the rider’s job to train him into submission so the horse is fulfilling his full potential.

Husbands are not horses, but sometimes we treat them like they are.

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Does It Really Matter How I Live?

Does It Really Matter How I Live?

May 30, 2014 |

I overheard the girls talking at a table nearby.

“Ultimately the gospel is what matters. We all just need to quit trying to say this is right and that is wrong and be at peace with each other. People keep drawing too many lines in the sand… Forget the peripheral and concentrate on what really matters: the gospel.”

I stirred my coffee and blinked at the dark bubbles on the surface. Was she right?

In the comment stream of the blogs I follow, women – moms, especially – continually postulate about peace. “Stop telling us what to do and how to live,” They say. “All we need to do is love God and each other.”

Is that true?

I set out to discover the truth for myself.

—-

Church history is laced with ‘trends’ of Christianity. During the Enlightenment of the 18th century, reason and intellectualism were very prevalent; but the next generation sought to understand the emotions of God, which gave rise to the spiritualism of the Quakers, Shakers, Mennonite and Amish sects. Over the years these trends rise and fall, many times caused by children reacting to the influence of parents who were either too ‘free’ or too ‘strict’. Whole church movements are caused by generations who see a need for a fresh understanding of the gospel, and this renewed seeking results in new behaviors. Today’s culture is no different: we have the ‘young, restless, and Reformed’, the YWAM-Toms-and-beanie worship leaders, the time-resistant homeschool purity-ringers and many more pockets of Christian belief. The church appeals for unity and demands we get rid of the ‘periphery’ – those divisive parts of Christianity – in order to unite….

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You Must Use Words.

You Must Use Words.

Apr 13, 2014 |

I leaned forward on the bus seat, staring forward through the massive windshield. Every College For a Weekend (one of four major campus events we do per academic year) I ride and monitor a charter bus shuttling students to an offsite camp for outdoor activities. And...

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