Have you ever wondered if you’ll be single forever? Perhaps you’ve agonized over whether perpetual singleness is God’s will for your life. Maybe you’ve accepted that love is just a sequence of relationships destined to end. If you’ve entertained these thoughts, I’m writing to you.
These sentiments may be real and even justified (in our minds), but they aren’t based on God’s truth. These thoughts are based on fear. Sadly, few single women are aware of the bondage fear brings. Rather than pursue freedom, they live in a constant state of worry over their singleness.
Fear is NEVER God’s will for the lives of His children, and it’s not His will for you (1 John 4:18). You are equipped by the Spirit of God to live out singleness with confidence and grace. Here’s how to get there:
Expose Yourself to the Heart of Christ
“Say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear, your God will come.” (Is. 35:4)
Fear and Christ cannot coexist. Christ came to cast fear out of our lives, and it cannot resist His presence (Deut. 7:21). But if you don’t expose your heart to the character of God, you will not see the fruit of fearlessness in your life. Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). It follows, then, that the antidote to fear is the perfect love of Jesus.
How do you expose yourself to the heart of God? Through His Word! As Albert Mohler put it, “Our spiritual maturity will never exceed our knowledge of the Bible.” If you want to live singleness without fear – fear of the future, fear of being alone – you must expose yourself to the heart of Christ in His Word on a daily basis.
(You have the opportunity to do this by joining our chronological study of the New Testament! Click here to learn more.)
Trust the Goodness of God
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.” (Is. 41:13)
When we give into fear it reveals the status of our worldview. Fear is active doubt in 1) God’s ability and 2) God’s goodness. Most Christians believe God is able to bless them with marriage, but that He is unwilling to do so. They fear that because they don’t have a timeline for God’s blessings, He’s not going to bless them at all. They also fear that God’s kindness applies to some things but not to others (like singleness).
God doesn’t promise all of us will marry, but the truth is that most people do. So it’s not that God doesn’t want to give good gifts to His children – He does (Jas. 1:17)! But God is also sovereign, and He knows what you can handle in this season of life. It is also possible to walk outside of God’s blessing by choosing a sinful lifestyle, and in this case you will not know the depth of God’s kindness until you repent and return.
In either case, God is good. You can trust His goodness. He is the standard of perfection on which all moral laws are based. If you can’t trust the goodness of God, you can’t trust anything.
Reject Fearful Thoughts
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34)
Fear doesn’t just happen; we choose whether or not we’ll let it into our minds. As we embrace fearful thought patterns, we live a fearful life. To defeat fear, you must start by rejecting the thoughts that run counter to God’s truth. In order to do so, you must know the truth of God!
Your daily time with God isn’t something to check off a list. It is your protection, your power, and your equipment for God’s calling. Your single years can be a powerful, fulfilling season – but only if you think with the mind of Christ and live accordingly.
Read more about taking captive your thoughts here.
Rest in God’s Sovereign Purpose
“I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)
God created you to know Him, then to share that knowledge with your community. Your whole life is meant to point back to His goodness and grace! This is why fear is so detrimental to the Christian walk. How can we be a testament to the goodness of God if we live as if He isn’t good?
Your singleness speaks loudly for the gospel of Christ. Jesus saved you so you could be pure, whole, and confident. There was no caveat to that call – no “you’ll be confident once you’re married”, or “you’ll be fulfilled once you can have sex”. The gospel – when embraced, loved, and lived – is enough. If you’re not experiencing that, you’re at the beginning of an amazing journey! This is your time to draw near to the heart of God.
Fearful singleness is not your destiny. It might be “normal”, but you’re not.
Preach the gospel with your singleness, and fear will have no place to stay.