Should a Christian Woman “Put Herself Out There”?

Should a Christian Woman “Put Herself Out There”?

Like almost everything else I write about on this blog (kissing, dating standards, modesty, submission, men), there are two extreme camps on this issue. One implies women should spend life in their living rooms, skip college, and wait for a man who pursues them. The other vouches for ’empowerment’: citing ‘equality’ as reason enough for women to ask men out on a date the same way a man would ask a woman. Women are encouraged to pursue men and make their availability wantonly clear.

And there we are, God’s women, sitting in between these two camps: one piously citing faith in a very unseen suitor, the other out every evening with a different guy.

What’s a girl to do?

Contentment is Not a State of Being

Contentment is Not a State of Being

I chose to move to Virginia. I chose to make that change from small town of 5,000 to a bigger city of 75,000. I’d say it’s a good choice – I got a great job, made wonderful friends, and met my husband!

But I never really accepted this place as my home.

5 Myths Christian Women Believe About Men

5 Myths Christian Women Believe About Men

In writing The Other Virgin Diaries, I talked a lot about relationships and sexuality. But there’s a variable in all these posts that is only sometimes addressed by my husband’s once-in-a-blue-moon post appearances.

That variable is the men.

Our culture has a great habit of blasting information loud and long enough until we start to believe it. One thing they’ve trumpeted since I was old enough to notice is the ‘necessary evil’ of male humans. It seems men are great for Cosmo covers, bedrooms, parties, and taking out the trash. But they’re terrible at marriage, post-marital sex, and general intelligence.

I’m really sick of this stupidity. That’s right: stupidity. You can’t fight a battle for equality when you marginalize the very people you need on your side – that’s for the extreme feminists.

For the rest of you, I’ll bet some of these ‘myths’ have been ground into your mind without your knowledge or consent, and we’re going to debunk them. When God created people, He created man AND woman in His image (Gen. 1:27). They are equal in God’s eyes, though He has equipped them for different roles, a fact evidenced by the distinction between our anatomies (‘equality’ does not mean ‘same’ or ‘interchangeable’). If you have questions about the biblical definition of marriage and roles, read this post.

This post is going to make some people mad. So before you respond, get some back up for your responses. Provide Scripture. Get the facts.

These ‘myths’ are beliefs that may be unspoken, but have been generally accepted by many Christian women. Some of them are half-truths that have been unfairly applied to very diverse portion of our society. There are always exceptions. But exceptions are not the rule for a whole gender, and that’s what we are going to debunk.

How to Deal With Red Flags in Dating

How to Deal With Red Flags in Dating

Co-written by my husband, ‘Mr. M’.

I should have known he would be a problem. I really should have. He was a little too… eager. A little too available, and way too serious after knowing me only a week. But I was 20 and pretty naive about this stuff.

At first I thought he was just an ardent pursuer, but that notion went out the window when he began pairing my name with his on our 10th day of acquaintance.

…As if ‘Phylicia Phillips’ was a good idea in ANY world.

Red flags had been popping up in my mind every day of our acquaintance, but I ignored them because I didn’t want to make a ‘rash judgment’. By the end of that summer, he proved himself exactly what the flags had professed him to be – fortunately, I had stopped talking to him on the 11th day.

My husband (Mr. M, for new readers) and I have often talked about the ‘red flags’ we had in prior relationships. That was a term he used to describe the lack of inner peace he’d had before making a poor decision. Both he and I have ignored those ‘red flags’ in past relationships out of a desire to ‘make it work’ or ‘save’ someone who should have found their salvation PRIOR to a human relationship.

This happens more often than it should among Christian young people, men and women alike.

In my post “You Don’t Want to Lose Him… But Maybe You Should”, I talked briefly about a woman’s desire to ‘be the difference’ in a weak man’s life, or to inspire him to make a salvation decision. In ‘A Few Good Men’, I discussed why we should have faith that there are good men out there – and strive to be women worthy of those men.

If you’ve already married a weak or unsaved man, there is a different path to take. Once married, that person is the one you have committed to love and understand for life, outside of instances of physical abuse (for advice on marriage, I recommend visiting the Time Warp Wife, Women Living Well, and The Unveiled Wife). This is why it is imperative that young people use God’s wisdom in choosing who they date and marry. This isn’t a big joke, and there are consequences to every relationship we enter – both romantic and platonic.

A Few Good Men

A Few Good Men

Love is not a science, but if it were, I’d have a degree in Relationship Logistics. Do you ever wonder what inspires a girl to settle for a man of such mettle? I’ve come up with a feasible theory for the workings of the female mind; a mentality that inspires a girl to make decisions far different from what her nearest and dearest would hope. It’s the mentality of settlement: this is as good as it’s gonna get.

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