It might be a boyfriend, a marriage, a baby, or a job. Whatever it is – she has it, and you don’t.
If you’ve walked this path beside her for a while it probably feels unfair. If you’ve been waiting longer than she has, it may seem unfairer still. Yet it happens all the time: God gives your sister the very thing for which you’re waiting. How do you respond?
The words “spiritual leader” are synonymous with Christian dating culture. If you’re a single Christian woman, you’ve been taught, told, and everything short of commanded to only date men who are spiritual leaders. We talk about this as if the term is actually written in Scripture (it isn’t, though it’s insinuated: Eph. 5:22-23, 1 Cor. 11). The result? A confusing, limiting conversation that is straying further and further from the biblical model of church and family structure.
To-do list ran into appointment which ran into dinner, and before I knew it the clock read 5 PM. I’d done everything I needed to do – except the one thing that really mattered.
Overwhelmed with guilt, I glanced at the Bible propped up on my cookbook stand. I’m sorry, I whispered. Why is it so hard to make time for You?
This week on Uniquely Woman, Lisa and I are tackling the next episode in our friendship series. We’re discussing how to prepare your heart for deeper friendships, as well as how to keep the bonds of those friendships strong. We women long for friendships, but in so many seasons of life they seem beyond our grasp.
“Is lingerie sinful?”
“What is oral sex?”
“How do I get over my husband’s sexual history?”
These questions have a common denominator: many of their authors never received a sex talk. If they did, it was insufficient or laced with the influence of cultural worldviews. Our Christian young women are seeking answers about their sexuality.
The world is ready to give them what they want.
We need to reach them first.
I used to think if I stayed pretty enough, slim enough, “made an effort”, it would make up for my hot temper. It didn’t.
I used to think if I managed my house with the superwoman ability of June Cleaver, he wouldn’t notice the lash of tongue. But he did.
He once told me there was nothing that pushed him away more than an angry woman. Yet here he is, married to someone with all that potential, and he loves her anyway. He loves me anyway. It doesn’t make sense.
I used to think an atmosphere of worship required flickering candles, Bethel music, and hour-long prayer sessions. When I was single, that used to be my reality. I’d read my Bible, turn on worship music, and spend more than thirty minutes enjoying the presence of God. It felt like worship. It looked like worship.
Then I quit my job, moved to a new state, and had a baby – all in the span of one week. My life was upended for good, and in that transition I learned that worship is not a sequence of activities or a certain kind of music. It’s an attitude.
Excellent.
It’s who I wanted to be. Excellence – my goal in work, home, marriage, motherhood, friendship – in every circle of life I would be at the top. I would not just do good; I would be good. I would be good at everything.
I sought new tasks and worked willingly: typing, scrubbing, cooking, writing.
I found the best deals and the cheapest groceries and cooked the healthiest meals.
I got up at 5 AM, planned my day, made the list, did the things.
I became a business. I worked out regularly. I dressed myself with as much style and class as I knew how.
Because I had to be excellent.
Christians talk a lot about sexual purity. We talk a lot about being pro-life. Yet we’ve ignored the chasm of understanding between these two issues – issues that are integrally connected not just in reality, but in our spiritual lives. We brandish our “pro-life” monikers as if it’s a given – we’re Christians, after all! – yet fail to understand what sanctity of life looks like day-to-day.
The truth is this: “Pro-life” is not just a political viewpoint. It is a lifestyle.
I invited Jesus to my lingerie shower.
He attended, no questions asked.
In the jokes and the gifts and the lace, His presence was real. He didn’t look like Himself, of course – His face was the face of my friends, the women who love Him and love me. But Jesus was there, right in the middle of our raucous laughter and our innuendoes about marital sex. He saw the joy, the anticipation, and the love of the women around me – women celebrating the sexuality He designed.