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Sexuality

How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About Your Sexual Past

How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About Your Sexual Past

God forgives sexual sin. I could stop with that amazing fact and just revel in the redemption He offers! (And I do – it’s all in my testimony.)

Though God forgives us, there are still consequences for sin. Most people will never fully forget the things they have done or experienced. Our daily walk of faith requires us to choose God’s way at every opportunity, rejecting shame and embracing the purpose He has for our lives. As we walk in this freedom, there will inevitably come a day when we must share our journey with another person. There comes a time when we have to be honest about the past.

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Celebrating Your Sexuality as a Single Woman

Celebrating Your Sexuality as a Single Woman

We don’t often hear the words “celebrate” and “sexuality” in the same sentence, particularly within the church. It may even bring to mind some negative or New Age-y connotations, like National Naked Gardening Day or the “Free the Nipple” movement. But that’s not what I’m talking about. This topic brought up some great questions in the Lust Free Living groups I launched two weeks ago, and it deserves discussion here as well.

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Hope for the Not-So-Good Girl

Hope for the Not-So-Good Girl

I used to think my story shouldn’t have happened to me. I used to ask God why He allowed it. Now I know why. I have experienced the redemptive power of a God who saves us out of a sin-wracked world; the only secure place in a spiritual war. He is the hope in a story like mine

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Why My Daughter’s Right to Life Trumps My Right to Choose

Scandal.

That’s what it is, not just what it’s called.

And they knew it would be, when they wrote that episode: the one where a child’s life is taken to boost viewer ratings or cause a ruckus across the internet for a few days. They knew that’s how it would go when they wrote an abortion scene. #Istandwithplannedparenthood, right? It’s just a show, right?

But it’s not.

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How Fantasizing About Guys is Keeping You Single

How Fantasizing About Guys is Keeping You Single

It is one thing to pray for your future husband, to have dreams, and indulge in a once-in-a-while glance at the future. It’s another to allow our hearts and minds to be consumed with love, romance, and the idea of a relationship that does not yet exist. The simple truth is that where your mind is focused is where your heart will go. Satan uses “good” things to distract us from what is best. What is best is to cultivate a mind that is dedicated to Christ, and therefore actions that reflect His power.

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How to Break Up With Your Boyfriend

How to Break Up With Your Boyfriend

Break ups, as painful as they can be, are not our enemy. In fact, break ups can strengthen us for future relationships, teaching us crucial things about our natures as women and what we need to be seeking in a mate. No one said you would marry the first person you date. While some people do – and good for them! – not everyone has this destiny, and if you lived a holy life in that relationship, a break up does not “tarnish” you for the future. And if you did sin in the relationship – especially physically – there is redemption for the repentant.

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Why I Don’t Use the Birth Control Pill

If you were to scroll through my Instagram feed, you would see pictures of babies.

Lots of babies.

In addition to cuddling my 7-month-old nephew whenever I’m in his vicinity, I work a part time job twice a week babysitting six children after my 8-5. There are lots of bath times, snacks, and tea parties in my after-hours.

I started working at the age of 12 as a mother’s helper, and through most of my teens and early twenties was supplementing my regular work schedule with babysitting or nanny work. My sisters did the same thing (they are currently in Los Angeles ‘nannying’ for two weeks – rough life). But if you were to ask me over coffee if I liked kids, the honest answer I would give you is – no.

I’m a Type A woman. I like to get stuff done. I’ve also spent the last 6 years in a workforce dominated by cubicles, Excel sheets, and blazers, the last three years of which were spent on a college campus. No babies to be found there!

I have enough experience with children to know they don’t just sit where you tell them to sit. They think farts are funny (and I don’t), they splash their dirty bathwater in your face, they holler and hit and howl and harangue. They delay obedience and feed you chewed-on Goldfish crackers.

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Sex Can Be Scheduled {4 Surprising Facts About Marriage}

Welcome to the ‘Confessions of a Newlywed’ blog series! If you are new to the blog, welcome! This series queues off The Other Virgin Diaries series, spawned by the post I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity. In these posts I will be sharing how I prepared for marriage, how I was NOT prepared for marriage, and what I’ve learned along the way as full time career woman and wife of one year. These posts are a ‘me to you’ story of my experiences. Read my favorite marriage blogs for advice from veteran wives: Time Warp Wife, Unveiled Wife, and Women Living Well.

Sometimes, marriage advice is depressing.

Before I got married, I asked a lot of questions. I wanted to know what to expect; I wanted to prepare and plan and make the transition as easy as possible. As I asked my questions, however, I wasn’t always pleased with the answers. Some were downright discouraging.

Does this have to be true for ME? I wondered. Matter of fact – it didn’t! Below are four things I was told as an engaged woman that were proven false in my first year of marriage.

1. You can’t plan sex – it’s supposed to be spontaneous.

I’ve sat at many a lingerie shower to hear wives declare the utter impossibility of planning when to have sex.

“It has to be spontaneous!” They exclaim.

But the strategist that I am had to wonder: why do I read so many posts and comments by women, a few years down the road, who seem to think intimacy is a duty and a bore? I didn’t want that happen.

I had heard the phrase, “Sex begins at breakfast”, meaning that your attitude throughout the day, and how you treat your spouse, has great influence on what happens later that night. And it’s definitely true! But because I found this true – and because I knew women take longer to ‘warm up’ to the idea – planning when to have sex seemed like a very logical solution to the ‘problem’ of unwilling wives.

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Birth Control in a World of Extremes

This post is part of a series, The Other Virgin Diaries.

Mr. M and I sat back to back in our office at our respective desks. My screen bleeped, and I saw a Facebook notification. “Joshua Masonheimer has sent you a video.”

“Stop sending me baby videos.” I muttered.

Mr. M chuckled. We both come from large families: he is one of seven, I am one of six. I am the eldest, he is the third. We are well acquainted with babies, children, and the whole family process, since we were in our teens when our youngest siblings were born.

I’ve been asked by several readers to share my views on birth control. Before anybody gets up in arms, fingers hovering over keyboards to angrily share ‘their side of the story’ – I’ve heard all the sides, inside out and upside down. Here is what I’m going to talk about in this post:

ALL the options available for birth control (it seems only Cosmo talks about this)
Why I PERSONALLY chose not to use the Pill
Five factors to consider when choosing your OWN birth control option

This is an issue that requires prayer and thoughtful consideration, as well as discussion with your fiance or husband. However, it’s also a topic on which few resources are provided from a Christian perspective. As an engaged woman, I found only two extremes: those who believe in no birth control whatsoever and those who pop a pill, no questions asked. Well, I had questions. I researched, argued with my gynecologist, and talked with Mr. M extensively before making my decision. We have now been married nine months and have complete peace with our decision, and I’ll talk more about that in a little bit.

So what options are available? There are actually quite a few.

Birth Control Options:

The Pill, Rings, Shots and Patches

All of these are hormone-based. Here is a description from WebMD:

“These hormones work to inhibit the body’s natural cyclical hormones to prevent pregnancy. Pregnancy is prevented by a combination of factors. The hormonal contraceptive usually stops the body from ovulating. Hormonal contraceptives also change the cervical mucus to make it difficult for the sperm to go through the cervix and find an egg. Hormonal contraceptives can also prevent pregnancy by changing the lining of the womb so it’s unlikely the fertilized egg will be implanted.”

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Virginity is Not God’s Goal

“Virginity is something made up by men to keep women trapped in shame.”

When I read that statement I was finishing up a journal article review about the effects of Southern Baptist Fundamentalism on women. Along the way, I got distracted by some secular feminist authors. The concept of virginity – the unspoken weight of a ‘first time’ is, according the authors I read, a product of the ‘patriarchal’ movement. This movement (again according to secular authors) seeks to shame women into subjugating their sexuality to men. The ‘myth’ of virginity is allegedly part of this agenda.

I could be considered a ‘fundamentalist’ by the secular audience. I was raised in the church, grew up in a Christian home, I vote conservatively, I was homeschooled, I married young and don’t use the birth control pill. But when secular writers draw a battle line against fundamentalists, they aren’t reacting against people like me. They’re reacting to the legalists.

Unfortunately for Christians, there are a few in our camp who have elevated acts of grace-gratitude (works done because of faith) to requirements for salvation (works done to earn grace). Virginity is one of these legalistic requirements. The purity movement accomplished much good, but deep within its underpinnings lies an unanswered question: Will God still love me if I am not a virgin?

The purity movement has worked so hard to prevent it has lost its ability to restore. In an effort to teach women the glory of God’s design for sex, we have failed to extend God’s hope to the hurting. So I’m going to make a bold statement: purity is not about virginity.

Purity is not about virginity because virginity is not God’s goal.

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