Small Is Our Calling
Chop, chop, chop.
I sliced the green peppers in slim lines, then cut them crossways and pushed the pieces into a little pile on the cutting board. I moved to the cherry tomatoes, and then the carrots, then the romaine. My Kitchen Aid whirred loudly, beating a batch of pumpkin bread, and I could smell the banana bread as it rose in the oven.
“I still need to do the laundry, vacuum the bathroom, and wash the dishes…” I muttered to myself, because not talking simply isn’t an option, even when there’s no one around.
As I moved around the kitchen I thought about the last week. I’d done all these things before. I do them every week, some of them every day. I get up at 5 AM most days, make breakfast for myself and Mr. M, and do devotions until 5:45. Then we head to the gym until 7 AM, when I shower and head to work by 7:45. Then it’s phone calls, Excel sheets, deposit bags, meetings and tour times until 5 PM, when I battle traffic back to the apartment and make dinner, pack the gym bag, and chop peppers for the next day’s salads and lunches once again.
We read the words mommy bloggers who go through this with their little ones: the diapers, baths, and bottles; the “Why?” and “When?” and “I’m hungry!”s of the day after day. But we have those, too: the needy infants of our own in-between lives. To-do lists with menial tasks we do again and again.
I recently took a personality test, just for giggles. The result stated my type was ‘The Executive’:
“The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don’t forget to remain balanced in their lives. They are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action.”
The results went on to state that people of this personality may “have a problem with being constantly absent from home, physically or mentally” due to their intense focus on achievements and goals.
As I read that paragraph, I thought of myself chopping peppers in the kitchen. My mind is never on those peppers. So menial. So pointless. Yet so necessary.
A Few Good Men
Love is not a science, but if it were, I’d have a degree in Relationship Logistics. Do you ever wonder what inspires a girl to settle for a man of such mettle? I’ve come up with a feasible theory for the workings of the female mind; a mentality that inspires a girl to make decisions far different from what her nearest and dearest would hope. It’s the mentality of settlement: this is as good as it’s gonna get.
Dear Girl, I’m Just Like You
Dear Girl,
You see my pictures where I look happy, laughing-happy. Happy because I’m married and have a cool job, because I go on business trips and girls’ weekends. Because I drink coffee and blog, because my hair looks good in that picture and I probably don’t have a care in the world.
I look happy to you, like I don’t worry, don’t stress, like I woke up this way. Like my apartment is perfect, my clothes and husband and life are perfect. And yours isn’t.
In a world where we all ‘follow’ each other – a discipleship of image and best-face-forward – you look at me and think less of yourself. Or you look at me and think more of yourself.
Just like I look at others and do the same.
Dear girl, I’m just like you.
I’m the woman at the gas station in the scuffed heels. I’m the girl answering the phone with annoyance in her voice. I’m the one with the fighting heart and the too-strong tongue that stings sometimes, even when I don’t mean it.
Red Heels, Lattes, and Finding Joy In Between
Mondays are my least favorite day of the week, and my resentment towards them builds from 5 PM Sunday night to my alarm’s unwelcome tune at 4:50 the next morning. Yet another week of trying to juggle everything, my mind stews as I make the familiar drive into work, usually running late. I enjoy the busyness; I thrive in it. I love my coworkers. Yet when Monday comes, the dread builds as I realize I must shift from the ‘optional’ to the ‘required’ mode of operation.
Birth Control in a World of Extremes
This post is part of a series, The Other Virgin Diaries.
Mr. M and I sat back to back in our office at our respective desks. My screen bleeped, and I saw a Facebook notification. “Joshua Masonheimer has sent you a video.”
“Stop sending me baby videos.” I muttered.
Mr. M chuckled. We both come from large families: he is one of seven, I am one of six. I am the eldest, he is the third. We are well acquainted with babies, children, and the whole family process, since we were in our teens when our youngest siblings were born.
I’ve been asked by several readers to share my views on birth control. Before anybody gets up in arms, fingers hovering over keyboards to angrily share ‘their side of the story’ – I’ve heard all the sides, inside out and upside down. Here is what I’m going to talk about in this post:
ALL the options available for birth control (it seems only Cosmo talks about this)
Why I PERSONALLY chose not to use the Pill
Five factors to consider when choosing your OWN birth control option
This is an issue that requires prayer and thoughtful consideration, as well as discussion with your fiance or husband. However, it’s also a topic on which few resources are provided from a Christian perspective. As an engaged woman, I found only two extremes: those who believe in no birth control whatsoever and those who pop a pill, no questions asked. Well, I had questions. I researched, argued with my gynecologist, and talked with Mr. M extensively before making my decision. We have now been married nine months and have complete peace with our decision, and I’ll talk more about that in a little bit.
So what options are available? There are actually quite a few.
Birth Control Options:
The Pill, Rings, Shots and Patches
All of these are hormone-based. Here is a description from WebMD:
“These hormones work to inhibit the body’s natural cyclical hormones to prevent pregnancy. Pregnancy is prevented by a combination of factors. The hormonal contraceptive usually stops the body from ovulating. Hormonal contraceptives also change the cervical mucus to make it difficult for the sperm to go through the cervix and find an egg. Hormonal contraceptives can also prevent pregnancy by changing the lining of the womb so it’s unlikely the fertilized egg will be implanted.”
Why Your Homeschooling, Modesty, and Virginity Will Never Save You
It had been a day. Not just a day… but a day: the kind that, when you reach the end of it, you either want to put on your best heels and go out on the town or curl up in your duvet and die.
To start, I’d been up late the night before and only had five hours of sleep. I came to work late because I had to pick up some tax forms Financial Aid needed. Then I got sent home sick.
Once home, I found out the tax forms still weren’t right. I couldn’t reach Mr. M, who was in Tennessee – and he’s who put the forms together.
Nationwide wanted information on our renter’s insurance, which I also didn’t have.
I tried to call the doctor to pay an outstanding bill and they wouldn’t answer. I called another doctor – the one I’d been trying to get an appointment with for three months but couldn’t because the last one wouldn’t send my records – and they stated, once again, that my records were MIA.
So I sat on the sofa in Mr. M’s t-shirt eating a bowl of Cocoa Krispies, bawling my eyes out for a good five minutes. This is the most effective response under such circumstances.
And I still had a three page essay and seven page paper due that night. My computer decided it would be nice to just shut down in the middle of my essay.
“Moral question:” I texted my sisters. “Would it be wrong to swear while writing a theology paper?” The answer is quite obvious, and I didn’t do it, but my stars! What a day!!
—-
Our lives are a transcript of our theology. We cannot separate what we believe about God from the choices we make.
One of the saddest things I encounter as a writer is the lack of biblical knowledge many Christians possess. They attempt to parse together a knowledge of God from Sunday School messages, Beth Moore studies, and the every-now-and-then quiet time. We live in a world of Christians who might know the word ‘justification’ but couldn’t tell you what it means for their lives.
Our doctrine – our theology – it matters. It is fundamental to absolutely everything we do as women. What you believe about God and His gospel story will affect:
How you speak
How you think
How you dress
How far you go with your boyfriend
How you navigate your future
How you view marriage and children
How you handle your finances
How you view your purpose in life
Don’t believe me? Here’s an example.
Virginity is Not God’s Goal
“Virginity is something made up by men to keep women trapped in shame.”
When I read that statement I was finishing up a journal article review about the effects of Southern Baptist Fundamentalism on women. Along the way, I got distracted by some secular feminist authors. The concept of virginity – the unspoken weight of a ‘first time’ is, according the authors I read, a product of the ‘patriarchal’ movement. This movement (again according to secular authors) seeks to shame women into subjugating their sexuality to men. The ‘myth’ of virginity is allegedly part of this agenda.
I could be considered a ‘fundamentalist’ by the secular audience. I was raised in the church, grew up in a Christian home, I vote conservatively, I was homeschooled, I married young and don’t use the birth control pill. But when secular writers draw a battle line against fundamentalists, they aren’t reacting against people like me. They’re reacting to the legalists.
Unfortunately for Christians, there are a few in our camp who have elevated acts of grace-gratitude (works done because of faith) to requirements for salvation (works done to earn grace). Virginity is one of these legalistic requirements. The purity movement accomplished much good, but deep within its underpinnings lies an unanswered question: Will God still love me if I am not a virgin?
The purity movement has worked so hard to prevent it has lost its ability to restore. In an effort to teach women the glory of God’s design for sex, we have failed to extend God’s hope to the hurting. So I’m going to make a bold statement: purity is not about virginity.
Purity is not about virginity because virginity is not God’s goal.
Three Sex Questions the Church Won’t Answer
Last Sunday our pastor preached on a passage in 1 Corinthians that talked about sex. “You’re probably thinking, “This is going to be awkward to listen to,”” He said, then laughed. “If you think that’s awkward, try giving this sermon.”
Like my pastor’s sermon, writing this series can be hard. As I pray over each post, I sometimes argue with the Lord over the content. “That’s too transparent,” I will say. “I’d rather speak in generalities.” But the Lord consistently reminds me of my own self a few years ago, desperately trying to find answers from a biblical perspective but unable to find them in a world of safe, Christian generality.
God’s Word applies to the questions you are asking about sex. God designed sex, God provided His Word, and God has given us His Spirit to enlighten the Word and guide us into a life that honors Him. But God gives us great freedom within this context. I’m not going to add rules to God’s Word, but point you to the principles God has provided that guide us through questions about sexuality.
Is masturbation a sin?
If you struggle with this, my friend, you are not alone. I receive emails almost every day from girls guilty, ashamed, and terrified to talk to anyone about their struggles. For women, this issue bears a much greater stigma than for men. Because no one addresses this topic openly with women, they feel it is a sin of which they cannot speak – and because they cannot speak and don’t know where to look, they cannot get help from a biblically-based source. My heart is to reach girls like these with God’s hope and restoration.
But is masturbation really a sin?
Biologically, masturbation is simply a body’s response to stimulus. But because it involves our sexual design – which was meant for union with a man in marriage – it is also connected to our mind, emotions, and spirit. This is why masturbation often requires porn, erotica, or mental fantasy in addition to the physical action.
Glory Filled: Your Body is the Temple of God
The plan had been given with strict instructions to meticulously craft every detail. The materials were of choice selection, imported from afar. The field of laborers was vast, totaling 70,000. The quarrying of stone required another 80,000. Still another 3,600 oversaw the work.
This would be no small undertaking.
With King Solomon at the helm, all worked together to create such splendor as had never been seen. After all, this was the Temple of the living God and nothing less would do. It had to be unmatched in magnificence.
Twenty-three tons of gold overlaid the walls. The beams, the nails, and the door sockets were made of gold—even the floor was overlaid with the precious metal. All of the priestly utensils were finely crafted before being overlaid with gold. Palm trees, chains, pomegranates, and cherubim decorated the walls, adding lavish marvel everywhere the eye could wander. Jewels graced the walls in elegant display.
Within the heart of the Temple hung a fine linen curtain lavishly decorated with blue, purple and scarlet thread. Here was found the most significant place on all the earth. The Holy of Holies. Beyond this curtain stood two cherubim. Together, their wingspan drew 30 feet of shelter above the Ark of the Covenant, dwelling below. The Holy of Holies.
Seven years of tireless effort brought the close of the building period. It was here. The moment all had been anxiously awaiting. In grand procession, the Ark was laid to rest beneath the cherubim. Dressed in fine priestly garments, the Levites stood to the east of the Temple. One hundred and twenty trumpeters accompanied cymbals and other instruments in magnificent unison. All lifted their voices in great praise unto the Lord.
“He is good! His faithful love endures forever!”
This was their song. Can you hear it?
Then, a thick cloud descended. A hush may have covered the crowd in silent awe and memorization.
The glory filled the Temple.