Jan 9, 2015 | Christian Life & Theology
It’s Wednesday galfriends – we’re halfway there!
Today I’m answering the top three questions I received last week:
Is it biblical to desire marriage?
How do I forgive myself for sinning against God?
Is it wrong to date in high school?
Now for this week’s ‘inspiration’. This is a new addition to the blog that, I hope, will make it more personal between us! Below are my favorite quotes, images, songs and books this week.
Images
When I need some encouragement, I like to look at beautiful things. That’s why I created a Pinterest board called ‘Beautiful’. Here I pin all my favorite quotes, pictures, and happy thoughts to return to when I am stressed or worried.
A few of my favorites:
Jan 7, 2015 | Sexuality
Welcome to the ‘Confessions of a Newlywed’ blog series! If you are new to the blog, welcome! This series queues off The Other Virgin Diaries series, spawned by the post I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity. In these posts I will be sharing how I prepared for marriage, how I was NOT prepared for marriage, and what I’ve learned along the way as full time career woman and wife of one year. These posts are a ‘me to you’ story of my experiences. Read my favorite marriage blogs for advice from veteran wives: Time Warp Wife, Unveiled Wife, and Women Living Well.
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Sometimes, marriage advice is depressing.
Before I got married, I asked a lot of questions. I wanted to know what to expect; I wanted to prepare and plan and make the transition as easy as possible. As I asked my questions, however, I wasn’t always pleased with the answers. Some were downright discouraging.
Does this have to be true for ME? I wondered. Matter of fact – it didn’t! Below are four things I was told as an engaged woman that were proven false in my first year of marriage.
1. You can’t plan sex – it’s supposed to be spontaneous.
I’ve sat at many a lingerie shower to hear wives declare the utter impossibility of planning when to have sex.
“It has to be spontaneous!” They exclaim.
But the strategist that I am had to wonder: why do I read so many posts and comments by women, a few years down the road, who seem to think intimacy is a duty and a bore? I didn’t want that happen.
I had heard the phrase, “Sex begins at breakfast”, meaning that your attitude throughout the day, and how you treat your spouse, has great influence on what happens later that night. And it’s definitely true! But because I found this true – and because I knew women take longer to ‘warm up’ to the idea – planning when to have sex seemed like a very logical solution to the ‘problem’ of unwilling wives.
Jan 5, 2015 | Singleness
Since I was very young, I knew I wanted to be married. There’s a picture of me at six years old, sitting on my mom’s cedar chest with a napkin on my head, in a white dress, holding a bouquet of fake flowers in two chubby hands. I always wanted to be a bride!
But since most women marry in their mid- to late twenties, and I had plenty of time on my hands. After an epiphany at age 21, I realized I wanted to be married – but was woefully unprepared. I commissioned myself to develop habits that would, at the very least, make the transition to marriage a little easier when that day finally came.
Jan 2, 2015 | Dating & Marriage
In this post I am simply talking about respect, though Paul had just finished a discussion of submission (read my post Biblical Submission is Dangerous for my thoughts on that topic). Respect is a command from God. That means acting in a respectful manner even when I do not feel respectful toward Mr. M. I learned this the hard way, but I’ve found, as I’ve grown in the discipline of respect, that changing my manner improves arguments, cultivates good communication, and affirms my love for him better than anything else I can do.
Dec 23, 2014 | Christian Life & Theology
“I don’t want this to come out wrong,” My friend had started tentatively, leaning against the car window. “But I sense a lot of guilt in your voice. Like – you really haven’t forgiven yourself for the ways you have failed God.”
We were driving back from a quick trip to a neighboring city and her words pierced my heart like a sword and I felt the tears brimming. My friend looked at me and said, “Am I wrong in saying that? I just feel as if you’re carrying this burden… and I want you to be free. I just want you to be really free.”
If you knew her – if you knew her story – you’d be astounded at who she is after what she’s been through. You’d be amazed at the joy and freedom of her laugh in light of how she’s been hurt. And me – the one who tapes myself together with lipstick and heels and to-do lists – somehow she was bold enough to break through my blindness.
Because I didn’t even know I wasn’t free.
Dec 18, 2014 | Christian Life & Theology, Singleness
Dear girl,
You’ve stopped on the breakneck journey of life to read this post, and I’m glad you did. For the moment you’re here, I want you to set down the two suitcases you have in your hands – the one called Father, and the other called Mom.
I want you to set them aside and hear something true.
Every person on this earth has parents, whether that term refers simply to their biological origins or if it has the deeper relational meaning of a family tie. You have a mother and dad. Some of you don’t know either of them. Some of you lost one to death or divorce. Some of you were hurt by them, abused by them, or neglected by them. Some feel you can’t meet their expectations. Some of you were babied and enabled by them.
Our parents have a profound effect on our lives, and their choices have the power to influence us for years to come.
But dear girl, your life is not the sum of your parents’ failure or success.
You are neither a trophy nor a disappointment.
Your identity is not based on your last name or your parents’ actions. They are imperfect people, sinners just like you and me. But their flaws should not dictate our value, or we will go through life measuring our worth against the opinions of people instead of the opinion of God.
Some of us had parents who did things well: they loved us, they trained us, they taught us, they cared about us. But those of us with this story carry another burden: the burden of expectation. Just as some carry the weight of their parents’ poor decisions or disapproval, others carry the weight of comparison. They think their marriage is supposed to look just like their parents’ did. They think their lives, homes, and children are supposed to be just like their childhood. And when it isn’t – as most assuredly will be the case – they are assaulted with discontent and disillusionment.
Dec 2, 2014 | Christian Womanhood, Singleness
Dear girl,
When I got your letter my heart sank to the pit of my stomach and I felt sick. I read the pain and confusion in every line; the desperate plea for clarity… for identity. When you met Jesus, you gave it all up for Him: all that identified you as you. Your makeup and nails and pretty things, your music and yoga pants. You gave it up because you thought you had to. You thought doing all the ‘right things’ was what faith in Him looks like.
And now you stand here, wondering who you are without who you were, confused, frustrated, and lonely.
Perhaps someone told you to get rid of your manicure in the name of vanity.
Perhaps someone told you your lipstick was too bright.
Perhaps you read my post about yoga pants and thought changing the trappings was enough in God’s eyes.
Dear girl, stop following the rules.
Nov 28, 2014 | Christian Life & Theology, Singleness
I think we need courage to get up in the morning and face another day of sameness. We need courage to live another season of singleness. We have to fight for joy, face our fears, and wait on the Lord’s timing in every phase of life – and that takes courage! But like me on my mountain run, we get weak and want to give up. We want to collapse in a ditch, wheezing, “Just leave me here! Go on without me!”
Nov 26, 2014 | Christian Life & Theology
Last night I hosted our first EVER Facebook party on the blog Facebook page – what a fantastic time! We had people from all over the United States, quite a few in Australia, and several in Indonesia, Malaysia and other countries across the world. During the party, I asked for feedback about future posts on the blog. One of the hot topics was “ideas for how to study the Bible”. I thought, “What a great thought!” So here we go! (And like the Facebook page to join us for future parties! We have a book giveaway and all sorts of fun!)
It’s easy to get in a rut when reading our Bibles. I know I’ve been there, and I fall back into that pit often enough. In the Religion program at Liberty University I have the opportunity to learn new study habits and acquire new resources, all of which inspire me to continue studying on my own time. But many of these resources are available to YOU as well!
Below are five ideas to aid you in your own study of the Bible, even when you’re in a dry spell.
1. Choose a place to start (and don’t bite off too much).
I have tried to read through the Bible at least five times. I have never been able to read straight through the old and new testaments consecutively – but I’ve managed to read all the books of the Bible individually! Don’t force yourself to do something in which you can’t maintain consistency. If reading through the Bible in a year doesn’t work for you, focus on one book at a time, get some commentaries to understand the context, and do a deeper study.
One of the flaws with the ‘read-through-in-a-year’, at least that I’ve encountered, is the pressing need to rush through the book. I like to sit down, read a little, mark it up, and truly understand what is happening in the passage. When I have to read my allotted chapter for the day, I don’t do as much study.
Nov 21, 2014 | Dating & Marriage
Like almost everything else I write about on this blog (kissing, dating standards, modesty, submission, men), there are two extreme camps on this issue. One implies women should spend life in their living rooms, skip college, and wait for a man who pursues them. The other vouches for ’empowerment’: citing ‘equality’ as reason enough for women to ask men out on a date the same way a man would ask a woman. Women are encouraged to pursue men and make their availability wantonly clear.
And there we are, God’s women, sitting in between these two camps: one piously citing faith in a very unseen suitor, the other out every evening with a different guy.
What’s a girl to do?
