Jun 25, 2014 | Dating & Marriage
Type A Girl here.
In a world of ‘love’, some Christians fear the sacrifice of holiness in the name of peace. So, to avoid riding the pendulum into realms of compromise and Kumbaya, they ride it the opposite direction into stoic, emotionless piety.
It looks strong, but this kind of faith is a reaction to fear.
Love according to the world means accepting anyone regardless of what they believe, what they’re doing, or whatever their values are. It would mean blurring lines of morality and ignoring grievous sins, claiming exclusive faith is judgmental. Love, to the world, means no absolutes.
In my early days of apologetic training I was zealous to stand against this false kind of love. Though my intentions were good and I was readily able to defend and argue my positions with Scripture and logic (never caught with my pants down theologically), I misunderstood what biblical love was.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13:4-8)
Jun 16, 2014 | Sexuality
So when I failed – whether in word, thought, or action – I would go through days of spiritual turmoil attempting to figure out whether God would forgive me, if I had jeopardized my salvation, and if I was worthy to even call myself a Christian. Sometimes I wondered if I was even a Christian at all. Whatever the sin, I saw my repeated failure as mounting evidence that I very obviously did not love Jesus, and because of that, Jesus must not love me.
Jun 11, 2014 | Sexuality
Sometimes I wish there were a Christian Cosmopolitan magazine. I know – it’s an oxymoron. But bear with me.
What if there were a magazine for Christian young women that had articles not only about being your best at work, how to wake up in the morning, modesty and fashion – but also about birth control options other than the pill? About what sex looks like in marriage? Articles about the questions young women are asking that the church and family refuse to answer in a Christian context?
While plenty of books have been written, I know there are many young women who have questions they didn’t dare ask, and those questions were eventually answered by an eager world of Cosmo, Self, and Elle. The girls find their answers – but from the wrong people, and in the wrong places, with the wrong worldview.
So we find girls who started out with every tool necessary to build a future bright with hope and blessing, and watch them throw it away to prove nothing to nobody. We see little daughters grow up into young women, their innocent eyes now lined with anger because they believe the purity ring prevented them from experiencing real life. But as they go about experiencing, experimenting, and finding themselves, they lose something far more precious.
In the grocery store check out line we’re told that sexual freedom is being in control of your own body and giving it to whoever you please, whenever you please, and in as many small pieces as you choose to meter out at a time. But Cosmo only tells girls about the night before, not the morning after…
Jun 9, 2014 | Sexuality
In my early teens, my bookshelf included such titles as:
Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally
Becoming a Young Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George
Beautiful Girlhood
When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy
Why I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris
I liked to read about relationships (in that sense, nothing has changed; I’ve just developed a more grown-up taste of biographies of famous married couples) and read all the above titles, plus more. I grew up at the height of the purity movement: a church-led initiative encouraging commitments to abstinence, intentional relationships, courtship and purity rings. My dad gave me my ring at age 13, and most of my friends had one, too. I thought I had relationships figured out.
And then I got into a relationship, and I discovered that not only did I not have it figured out, but there were capabilities within me directly contrary to all I had ever learned…
Jun 6, 2014 | Sexuality
The tears spilling onto her keyboard – I could almost see them.
I could hear the anguish in the words she typed, backspaced, and re-typed.
I could feel her heart, aching and burdened, reaching out to me – the faceless Internet name – just to have someone to talk to. Someone who might understand.
“I feel like I’m sinking deeper in sin and further and further from God. So many women disguise their sexual sins because it is so taboo and “unacceptable” for Christian women to be sexual beings. So many women have secret sins because of these expectations… So please. Do you have any advice? Thank you so much for your time.”
I received that email a long time ago now, but she – the writer – has been housed in the back of my mind since that day. I know she isn’t the only one who feels this way. I know there are many more girls out there – good, Christian, by-the-book young women – who have the same questions she was asking. But they don’t dare ask.
There is a stigma when it comes to lust, as applies to the life of a Christian woman…
May 30, 2014 | Christian Life & Theology
I overheard the girls talking at a table nearby.
“Ultimately the gospel is what matters. We all just need to quit trying to say this is right and that is wrong and be at peace with each other. People keep drawing too many lines in the sand… Forget the peripheral and concentrate on what really matters: the gospel.”
I stirred my coffee and blinked at the dark bubbles on the surface. Was she right?
In the comment stream of the blogs I follow, women – moms, especially – continually postulate about peace. “Stop telling us what to do and how to live,” They say. “All we need to do is love God and each other.”
Is that true?
I set out to discover the truth for myself.
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Church history is laced with ‘trends’ of Christianity. During the Enlightenment of the 18th century, reason and intellectualism were very prevalent; but the next generation sought to understand the emotions of God, which gave rise to the spiritualism of the Quakers, Shakers, Mennonite and Amish sects. Over the years these trends rise and fall, many times caused by children reacting to the influence of parents who were either too ‘free’ or too ‘strict’. Whole church movements are caused by generations who see a need for a fresh understanding of the gospel, and this renewed seeking results in new behaviors. Today’s culture is no different: we have the ‘young, restless, and Reformed’, the YWAM-Toms-and-beanie worship leaders, the time-resistant homeschool purity-ringers and many more pockets of Christian belief. The church appeals for unity and demands we get rid of the ‘periphery’ – those divisive parts of Christianity – in order to unite….
May 12, 2014 | Dating & Marriage
With a stack of books about John Calvin at one elbow and a higher stack of commentaries for the Book of Daniel at the other, I collapsed into my laptop face first. Mr. M looked over the edge of his iPad. “Is something wrong?”
“No… I just finished this infernal commentary on Daniel 9. If I ever hear the words ‘seventy weeks’ again, I might do something inappropriate.” “Well, we don’t want that,” My husband replied with all the concern of sleepy pigeon (don’t ask me where sleepy pigeon came from… but now that I’ve compared him to one, I can’t stop chuckling).
I opened my personal email as a reward for such academic labor and was greeted by an email from Bria of Germany. She asked:
“I’m single, and know how friendships function from my singles’ perspective, but I wonder how you view them now that you’re married? Do you feel it’s easier/harder/better/different having male friends when you’re single versus married?”…
Apr 13, 2014 | Christian Life & Theology
I leaned forward on the bus seat, staring forward through the massive windshield. Every College For a Weekend (one of four major campus events we do per academic year) I ride and monitor a charter bus shuttling students to an offsite camp for outdoor activities. And...
Mar 9, 2014 | Dating & Marriage
Being married when your husband travels is tough. The first two years of our marriage were spent with an irregular schedule, the aforesaid traveling husband, and me working full time while also finishing my degree. If your husband travels, chances are you’ve run into loneliness, boredom, and the usual catastrophe that waits until he’s gone to arrive.
Feb 26, 2014 | Dating & Marriage
I couldn’t tell if it was the nerves, the corset, or the box of Sour Patch kids I consumed the night before, but my stomach was in shambles. I tried to breathe. The dressing room mirror ricocheted my feelings like a boomerang and I busied myself with my hair.
