Why You Should Do What You’re Good At – Not Just What You Love
“Follow your heart” – this is Disney’s recommendation for those seeking life direction. But it’s not just Disney; it’s the kindergarten curriculum and the children’s books, the songs on the radio and graduation cards. When choosing a life path, we’re supposed to “do what we love” – because if we’re doing what we love, we’ve found our calling. Right?
Six years of my career was spent in higher education, five of those years as a college counselor. As I sit down with parents and students, some starry-eyed and optimistic, others uncertain and under pressure, I frequently come back to the “Disney lie”: That doing what you love is the ticket to success, and that success – in and of itself – will lead to long term happiness.
Your Broken Relationship Was Not a Waste of Time
I know what you’re thinking: these last eight months were pointless. The emotions, the time, the dates, the gifts – useless, wasted, the stuff you throw away like scraps of paper. Except the scraps are your heart, and the wasted time was your life. He’s gone, you’re here, and though you know how to move on and you’re walking forward with the Lord, it’s hard to see the purpose in an ended relationship.
So here’s some hope to tape up your heart: Your broken relationship was not a waste of time.
You Don’t Have to Settle for a Safe Single Season
“Fear tricks us into living a boring life.” Donald Miller wrote those words, and how true they ring in my ears and heart. I want to stay safe. I want to avoid risk, pain, and difficulty. I don’t want to be stretched or pulled beyond my comfort zone, my natural limitations; I want to stay on the safe side.
I wanted the same when I was single. I wanted things to go according to The Plan – my carefully laid out, neat and tidy plan, the one that kept me safe and comfortable. But in each season God has pulled me over my line in the sand into an adventure I never anticipated. I was not a willing participant in many of these excursions, but each one left me stronger than the one before. My singleness was no different.
The Number One Question Singles Should Be Asking
Today’s singles are far lonelier, I think, than singles of decades past. It’s a theory for which I have no real proof outside of my own observation, but given the nature of western culture and the habits of my millennial (and younger) peers, I think it’s fairly valid. Singles are lonelier, and there’s a very obvious reason why:
Today’s Christian singles lack real community.
How to Prepare Your Heart to Accept God’s Will
God’s will and our desires don’t always coincide. Yesterday I talked about the reality of this in my own life; how our waiting season has tested our desires against our faith. And though we do not grieve and wait as those who have no hope (1 Thess. 4:13), the knowledge that God answers according to His sovereign will, not always according to our ideas, can be frightening at times.
It behooves us, then, to prepare our hearts to accept God’s will – no matter what His answer may be.
Keeping the Faith in Lonely Seasons
I look out the window of the plane and the desert landscape falls away from me. The few days I spent in Oregon last week encouraged, refreshed, and equipped my heart for the unknown days ahead – days of waiting, praying, and expecting great things of our good, good, Father.
But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. Josh and I have now been facing a very difficult family situation for almost six weeks. We continue to pray, to seek, to knock – but even in the seeking and the knocking we know that God is sovereign, and His timing is not ours. The thing we’re asking for is good. But we have yet to receive an answer to our prayers.
What Christian Girls Need to Know About Flirting
I’ll never forget the phase of my early teen years in which I believed that showing young men any amount of kindness was equal to flirting and therefore must be avoided. Though that idea may sound completely laughable to some of you, it was, and sometimes still is, a pervasive mindset in some circles.
When the Body You Have Isn’t the Body You Want
I will never have a “thigh gap”.
My body is physically incapable of producing this cultural phenomenon. My hips are too narrow, my quads are too big – and no amount of working out and eating well can change that. If anything, working out makes my already-big quads even bigger, my already-broad shoulders broader, and the whispy, ectomorph body that much more unattainable for my athletic build.
Dear Church, You’re Wrong About Sex
Dear church, you’re wrong about sex.
Not all the time – but a lot of the time. There’s been some truth sprinkled here and there. There’ve been some speakers and ministries who’ve done this tender topic the justice it deserves. But in general, the sexual narrative Christian women have heard over the last four decades is not one of gospel freedom. It is a message burdened by fear, guilt, shame, and legalism – sometimes all of these at once. It’s why Christian girls are done with courtship culture. It’s why many are fleeing legalism and others flee the church. Through one ear, women are being taught about the love and grace of Jesus Christ, while into the other pour proof-texted, fear-based half-truths about female sexuality.
What to Do When You’re in Love With Someone {And the Timing is the Actual Worst}
So – you like him. Actually, you love him. If he’s the guy you grew up with, this love is probably the phileo-agape real deal. You’ll love him even if he moves on or you move on or both. Which is, of course, not your ideal ending – but always a possibility. You love him, and the timing is absolutely horrible.
You’re about to graduate and take a job in another state.
He has two years left at a school you don’t attend.
You’re not even out of high school, looking at a minimum of five years before marriage is on the table.
What do you do?
Should I Think About My Wedding Night Before It Happens?
For Christians, the wedding night is a treated with sacred significance – and for many young women, a whole lot of fear. Because of the biblical emphasis on sex within marriage, Christian culture has placed a burden of weight on the wedding night that this one evening really doesn’t deserve.
That said, pretending the wedding night doesn’t exist and refusing to educate young women about their sexuality, their bodies, and the act of intimacy itself is a foolish decision. It is bad stewardship of a very good gift. So how much should one think about the wedding night before it happens, and should they do it at all? I think young women should absolutely consider this before the big day, but within some healthy boundaries.
Why the Six Pack Abs Won’t Ever Be Enough
I tried to diet and exercise my body into submission, but I could never arrive at a place of contentment. I went through my twenties thinking a man’s love might help me feel better. But, all my comparing only seem to exacerbate once we said, “I do.”
Naively, I assumed that some day, I’d be free from all my comparison struggles. And, I thought that day would come when I changed my title to, “Mom.”
Is Marriage Your Escape Route?
It was a passing comment as she walked out the door. “I can usually tell when my priorities are out of whack,” She said, grabbing her purse from the coat rack. “I start seeing marriage as an escape from my reality, and that’s when I start wanting it too much.”
Her words rang in my ears for hours afterward. That’s it. That’s the problem.
It’s a problem I’m all too familiar with – I did the same thing when I was single. When work and school and life got stressful, I’d daydream about the day I’d be married – the day a man would “pick up the slack” and help me bear this burden. Though I’d never label myself a damsel in distress, that’s exactly what I acted like under pressure. Outwardly, I was capable; but inwardly, I was searching for a human rescuer from my circumstances.
I Feel Like a Less-Than Christian
Do you ever feel like an inadequate Christian? You don’t read enough, pray enough, or serve enough in the kingdom of God. I recently heard from a reader in response to the Overcomer’s E-Course. She said she often feels like a “less-than” Christian; like she never does enough in her walk with God.
I sense she’s not alone. Our spiritual enemy works daily to integrate his lies into our lives. One of those lies comes wrapped in a shroud of faith and good works: the lie that being a believer is a one-time decision, and that the rest of life is up to us.
You Don’t Have to Lose Yourself in Motherhood
Here’s what you have to look forward to, the article said.
No sleep. Dark circles. Post-baby bodies and clothes that don’t fit. Tantrums and messes and no more vacations. Thankless hours, endless “whys”, painful play dates, a struggling marriage.
But be happy! the article says. Parenthood is worth it.
Five Questions to Ask Singles Instead of “How’s the Love Life?”
The division between single and married remains a difficult barrier in the modern church. Though both sides are well-intended, many married couples act as if they don’t recall the difficulties of singleness. In turn, singles feel as if married people are only interested in the status of their love lives – and little else.
Three Practical Ways to Save Your Kiss for Your Wedding Day
I decided to save my first kiss for my wedding day long before I started dating. Some will applaud this decision. Others will scoff and roll their eyes. Others will pity me for being a product of my conservative Christian upbringing.
My conviction was shaped through many years of attending weddings my dad, a pastor, was officiating. Some couples had saved their first kiss, some had not. Some weddings deeply moved me in their Christ-centered simplicity. The pure, strong love I saw some couples share in Christ made a deep impression on me.
How to Stay Productive While Living at Home
Many of my readers are currently living at home; some are still in high school, others are home temporarily while on summer break, and others have returned home periodically to search for career opportunities. While living with your parents is a huge blessing, it also poses a real productivity problem – especially if you’ve already lived on your own.
Five Reasons You’re the Girl in the Friend Zone
Nobody wants to end up in the friend zone – at least not when they like the person who friend zoned them! Though this happens to guys and girls alike, being put in the friend zone when you’re hoping for more is – well, disappointing. When it keeps on happening, you might wonder what’s putting you in the friend zone at all.
I am the Immodest Girl
I wore this today because I’m insecure.
I looked in the mirror and the mirror told me lies. But I believe it, because it’s all I’ve ever known.
You’re not enough. You’re not attractive. You’re unloveable.
I wore this today because I want attention.
I looked in a magazine and the magazine lied. But I believe it, because it says I can be confident.
Show off your body. Make them look. Make them jealous.
All Laziness is Spiritual Laziness
In my 5-day Overcomer’s Email Course, I never fail to get a response on Day Three’s email: laziness. “Oh man, this is my struggle,” the emails pour in. “It’s so hard to motivate myself to do what I need to do each day!” Laziness is no stranger to us. Even the most productive people have sneaky ways to be lazy if they let themselves; little distractions and insignificant tasks they use to procrastinate what really matters. But we don’t talk much about laziness in the church because – much like gossip or physical boundaries – we don’t see it as a spiritual problem.
This is Why You Can’t Overcome Temptation
As a young “Christian”, my walk with God was little more than trying to follow rules. Trying to overcome temptation was an uphill battle against an ever-prefailing human self. I spent my Bible study trying to memorize the “lists” of Christian character qualities in the New Testament – then attempted to implement those virtues on my own strength. It’s no surprise I failed to overcome temptation – my walk with God wasn’t much to speak of, since God wasn’t very much part of it at all!
A Pregnant Student is Not the Problem
This weekend I read Maddi Runkles’ story: How she discovered she was pregnant her senior year of high school, confessed to her school, and consequential to the sexual sin that caused the pregnancy was not allowed to attend classes or walk in their graduation (though she did receive a diploma). I then read the statement by Heritage Academy – why they dealt with a pregnant student in the manner they did.
How to Make Time for Reading
One of my most frequently asked questions is, “How do you have time for reading?” Between working from home, momming a toddler, and at the writing of this post growing a second little baby, reading has to be prioritized or it won’t happen! Reading is one of my passions, but for many years it had to go on the back burner. My teens and early twenties (up to age 25, really) were spent working full time while also taking college classes. I only had to time to read my assigned work, not the books I longed to read!