Dear Girl, Stop Running From Your Sexuality
We’ve been taught to run from our sexuality.
Good Christian girls don’t talk about it; they aren’t even sure what to do with it. We know sex is for marriage, but what do you do before marriage? What do you do with these desires?
I can tell you one thing NOT to do: run from it. We need to stop running from our sexuality. I’m not talking about sexual sin or temptation; I’m talking about sexuality itself – our capacity for desire, the foundation of marital intimacy. Our sexual selves don’t suddenly “turn on” once we say “I do”. Our sexuality is part of our identities.
How to Cultivate Worship in Your Home
I used to think an atmosphere of worship required flickering candles, Bethel music, and hour-long prayer sessions. When I was single, that used to be my reality. I’d read my Bible, turn on worship music, and spend more than thirty minutes enjoying the presence of God. It felt like worship. It looked like worship.
Then I quit my job, moved to a new state, and had a baby – all in the span of one week. My life was upended for good, and in that transition I learned that worship is not a sequence of activities or a certain kind of music. It’s an attitude.
The Friendship That Started With Birth Control
This week on Uniquely Woman, Lisa and I are answering a commonly asked question: how did we meet? It’s a fun story that didn’t involve meeting in person until December of 2016. Since this is a Q&A episode, it’s only four minutes long – so be sure to take a listen! (And if you’re new to the podcast, scroll through past episodes to see some of the awesome topics we’ve discussed – including an episode on birth control itself).
The Day I Stopped Chasing Proverbs 31
Excellent.
It’s who I wanted to be. Excellence – my goal in work, home, marriage, motherhood, friendship – in every circle of life I would be at the top. I would not just do good; I would be good. I would be good at everything.
I sought new tasks and worked willingly: typing, scrubbing, cooking, writing.
I found the best deals and the cheapest groceries and cooked the healthiest meals.
I got up at 5 AM, planned my day, made the list, did the things.
I became a business. I worked out regularly. I dressed myself with as much style and class as I knew how.
Because I had to be excellent.
How to Enjoy Being a Mom
Inspired by this article, Lisa and I are discussing how to enjoy being a mom in today’s Uniquely Woman episode. Motherhood is hard and it’s a gift from God, and that dichotomy often needs an attack plan in our daily lives.
To the Woman My Husband Should Have Married
He would be happier with her, I thought. He would be better off.
Always there, the silent witness to my marriage; a quiet presence to my pain. Hers was a face I knew as well as my own, though I’d never seen her. Hers was the voice in my head and in my heart, telling me I was never enough: never fun enough, never compassionate enough, never – her.
He should have married her, I’d think, and work harder to be everything she was and more.
Passively Pro-Choice: How Sin Kills the Pro-Life Mission
Christians talk a lot about sexual purity. We talk a lot about being pro-life. Yet we’ve ignored the chasm of understanding between these two issues – issues that are integrally connected not just in reality, but in our spiritual lives. We brandish our “pro-life” monikers as if it’s a given – we’re Christians, after all! – yet fail to understand what sanctity of life looks like day-to-day.
The truth is this: “Pro-life” is not just a political viewpoint. It is a lifestyle.
Lingerie, Jesus, and the Girls Who Love Both
I invited Jesus to my lingerie shower.
He attended, no questions asked.
In the jokes and the gifts and the lace, His presence was real. He didn’t look like Himself, of course – His face was the face of my friends, the women who love Him and love me. But Jesus was there, right in the middle of our raucous laughter and our innuendoes about marital sex. He saw the joy, the anticipation, and the love of the women around me – women celebrating the sexuality He designed.
Honoring God in Postpartum Anxiety
This week on Uniquely Woman, Lisa and I are talking about how to deal with postpartum hormones in a godly way. We include some ideas for weathering the baby blues and dealing with hormonal changes as well as resources if you struggle with postpartum depression. Don’t walk this part of life alone!
You Are the Change Your Church Needs
A pang strikes my heart every time I write about the church. It’s the same discomfort I get when confronting a friend about a sin issue; a necessary pain. I wouldn’t want to take joy in correcting a flawed ideology, but neither should I ignore anything that hinders the gospel’s advance.
But in writing about the church – from women’s ministry to the millennial message – I have a weighty responsibility. The church is not a building, after all. The church is people. The church is me.
To the Girl Who Never Left Home (From the Girl Who Did)
The world needs us, you and I.
It needed me when I left, and it needs you for staying. You wouldn’t know it from what the magazines say… the Instagram posts about wanderlust and adventure, about moving out and moving on. The world makes it seem like I’m bigger, bolder, for leaving.
And you – the girl who never left home? You’re the one who “settled”.
Why Christian Girls Read Cosmo Magazine
I remember sneakily flipping the pages of Cosmopolitan Magazine in a nail salon waiting room. I turned the cover toward the wall so no one would see what I was reading, then voraciously flipped through the pages to fill in the blanks of my sexual education. I’m not the only Christian girl who’s done this. Thousands of us have furtively glanced through those pages.
We hate Cosmo for how it objectifies women, yet Cosmo – and magazines like it – draw us in. Why would a Christian girl read something like this? Three reasons.
How to Choose a Word of the Year
This week on Uniquely Woman, Lisa and I discuss how we chose our “words of the year” – because there’s nothing magical about January 1st. We also talk about how we arrived at our words and how we break down our goals into practical steps, and our motives behind those particular aims for 2017.
I Kissed Dating Hello: Why Christian Girls Are Done With Courtship Culture
Christians possess all the power of God to pursue His holiness in their lives. On our own, we could never achieve virtue and honor. But by walking according to the Spirit of God in us, His character is manifested in ours. Courtship culture has ignored the role the Holy Spirit plays in relationships, and has taken up the mantle of the Spirit for itself. And like most pseudo-Holy Spirits, it doesn’t do a very good job.
We can set up physical standards, have chaperones, and be as “intentional” as we like, but if the Spirit of God is not alive and active in our hearts, we can find sin. Purity is not a list of outward actions. It is an inner change of desire and priority.
The Millennial Gospel: Jesus, Tell Me More About Me
A change of emphasis has taken place. The words, the affirmations, the identities and monikers – many of them are biblical and true. The problem lies – once again – not in whether or not the message is true but whether our overt focus on it has handicapped our spiritual maturity.
I believe it has. It is the millennial gospel – good feelings, good music, real people, and “rawness”. The not-so-good news? It’s incomplete.
How Do I Invest in Relationships When I Know I Might Get Hurt?
This week on the podcast we are answering a listener question from Sarah. She asks how we can let people into our lives when we have been hurt in the past – or know that we could be hurt in the future.
Most of us can relate to this question. How do you know when a relationship is a healthy risk – and all relationships require some kind of risk – and when it’s headed a toxic direction? Listen below or in iTunes or Stitcher, and don’t forget to subscribe!
Tattooed Pharisees: How the New Legalism is Wrecking the Church
There was a time when legalists were easy to identify.
They were the ones more interested in “Sunday best” than repentant hearts; more concerned about music and movies than an inner transformation. They judged by outward appearance and were, in turn, judged lacking in both truth and grace.
Gen-Xers and millennials know them well. We grew up hearing about them, and watched the church shift and buckle under the weight of change. It was a good change, for the most part. It exposed things. It revealed how church had become more about doing and being “good” than about God being good in us.
Jesus, Humble Me (But Not That Much)
That morning in my quiet time, I prayed for humility. I asked God to saturate my life and ministry with it; to protect me from the dangers of pride. Six hours later more steam was coming out my ears than off the onions, and I was convinced it was all Josh’s fault.
We all know we need humility. Christ Himself exemplified it and provided a model for us to follow. So we pray for it periodically, asking God to “make us humble” without really grasping what it is we ask.
How to Overcome Insecurity in Female Relationships
In today’s podcast episode Lisa and I start off the New Year with a very relevant topic: how to deal with personal insecurities when interacting with other women. There’s nothing like a talented, beautiful acquaintance to remind us of all the things that we aren’t! But we don’t have to live in that mindset. Listen in for four tips on interacting with other women.
Dear Women’s Ministry, Stop Telling Me I’m Beautiful
I shifted in my seat at the women’s conference as the speaker said it again.
“You are a beautiful, chosen, special woman of God. There is no one in the world like you!”
It’s the same message I’d heard dozens of times on the radio, in books, at conferences – even emblazoned on coffee mugs and shirts at every LifeWay Store in America. It’s the same message preached to Christian women in every corner of western culture. And it’s a message that – while well-intentioned – is completely deficient.
The Goal of Goal Setting + My Word of the Year
I write this on the cusp of my favorite day of the year: January first. The thought of closing one book and opening another – a blank page soon to be filled – thrills me with anticipation! I spent a few hours last week going through my Powersheets, deciding where to direct my energy in 2017. To be honest, I’m leaving 2016 with one word in my head: tired.
I’m tired. But there’s a twinge of satisfaction in that admission, because our word for 2017 was “push”. We challenged ourselves to push through difficulty, to push back against laziness, to push for a good marriage, and I can testify to those achievements. I know this next year holds more opportunity to push through hard things, but I’m ready for a change.
How to Be Intentional With Your Unbelieving Friends
Do you ever dread when the doorbell rings? You never know who could be outside. It could be a sales person, a delivery person or someone sharing a different gospel. In these days and times you have to be careful to whom you open the door. Even with a peephole, it is hard to tell who is on the outside.
When we deal with those who are outside of Christ, we have to be wise in our relationships. Whether it is family, co-workers, or someone you meet in passing, we have to walk in wisdom in these relationships.
How to Discipline Your Sleep Habits
If you want to be consistently productive in 2017, you need good sleep habits.
When someone asks me to help them be productive, I start by asking when they go to bed. Nine times out of ten the answer is midnight or later. The same people who put sleep on the backburner struggle to get up in the morning, be on time, get their tasks done, and cultivate healthy habits in fitness and diet. That’s why a productive lifestyle all turns on this single point: sleep.
How to Deal With Unexpected Life Changes
All of us have unexpected events in life, but what are we going to do when they come? We can either throw a fit because we aren’t getting our way, or we can walk a path of grace – because God always goes before us. This week on the podcast Lisa and I are discussing some ideas for managing life when the unexpected arrives.