How Fantasizing About Guys is Keeping You Single
It is one thing to pray for your future husband, to have dreams, and indulge in a once-in-a-while glance at the future. It’s another to allow our hearts and minds to be consumed with love, romance, and the idea of a relationship that does not yet exist. The simple truth is that where your mind is focused is where your heart will go. Satan uses “good” things to distract us from what is best. What is best is to cultivate a mind that is dedicated to Christ, and therefore actions that reflect His power.
How to Break Up With Your Boyfriend
Break ups, as painful as they can be, are not our enemy. In fact, break ups can strengthen us for future relationships, teaching us crucial things about our natures as women and what we need to be seeking in a mate. No one said you would marry the first person you date. While some people do – and good for them! – not everyone has this destiny, and if you lived a holy life in that relationship, a break up does not “tarnish” you for the future. And if you did sin in the relationship – especially physically – there is redemption for the repentant.
How to Know If It’s Love or Infatuation
and it won my heart. And he’s still winning my heart to this day.
Love is the choice that keeps on choosing. Don’t settle for a pseudo-love that is an echo of the real thing. Look to God’s definition and allow Him to be your guide. You won’t regret it.
How Do I Know If I’m Called to Singleness?
You can’t know without a doubt that you’ll get married someday. You can’t get a guarantee that “Prince Charming” will come. But to the woman who follows God with abandon, those questions aren’t being asked. The question isn’t “What if he never comes?” but “What can I do NOW in case he does?” The reality is that marriage and children bring with them an enormous responsibility, and while these responsibilities have their benefits and their joys, they are a ministry in and of themselves. If you refuse to accept the ministry God has laid before you now, how will you be ready for the ministry of marriage?
What Godly Men Look For in the Women They Date
If a girl makes herself the kind of woman God expects her to be, she will be the kind of woman a godly man desires. I found Phylicia attractive because she desired to be more like Christ, and she called me to a higher standard because I wanted to be worthy of a woman like her. If you make yourself beautiful in God’s eyes, you will automatically be beautiful (generally attractive) in the eyes of a godly man.
How to Choose a Guy in 8 Ways: Guidelines for a Godly Man
Godly men aren’t always as “cool” as some of the guys in the church. They might not have all the physical qualities Hollywood sets as the standard. But in the end, the man who worked and loved and fought for his God and his family will win and his legacy will last – and the guy with the great hair and cool car and shallow faith will be remembered only for those few things he possessed in, rather than contributed to, his world.
Five Things to Remember When You’re Tired of Singleness
So how would you feel to know your future spouse hated waiting for you? That they were impatiently and discontentedly tolerating this season before meeting you? I think all of us hope for better from our future mate. We hope they make the best of this season, growing and changing into a person who will contribute positively to our future marriage.
With this in mind, are you embracing the temptation to give up and stop waiting, or are you embracing this season as God’s sovereign will, making the most of the time (Eph. 5:15-17)?
5 Reasons Your Church Isn’t Fulfilling You
This post is part of the July blog series "Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}". To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Every Woman a Theologian on Facebook or join me on Instagram! I could have grown up jaded by the church....
How to Pray for Your Husband… When You Don’t Know If He Exists
Praying for your future husband shouldn’t be the only thing on your prayer list by any means. But if you struggle with contentment, route your discontented thoughts into prayer. As one of my dear friends told me: “worrying is praying for what you don’t want”. Don’t worry about being single. Pray for wisdom, strength, humility, and a desire for the God who loves you – the same God who loves your future mate.
Singleness is Not a Problem to Be Fixed
I view singleness as a testing period, the reward of which is received through perseverance. I believe this is true because it is true for every other stage of life. Good marriages don’t just “show up” – you have to persevere in love, trust, and respect. Good kids don’t just “appear” – you have to teach, train, guide, and discipline children in the truth. And good single years don’t just “happen” – you have to persevere through the pain, loneliness, and discontent to live these years to their utmost possibility.
Why Am I Still Single? (And Other Questions)
Update: the first post in the series is live! Click here to read "Am I Single Because I'm Doing Something Wrong?" I used to stand by the fence lining our back pasture and watch the sun set, and when I did, I often prayed the same prayer: "Dear God, I don't know where...
How to Conquer a Critical Spirit
This post is part of the Broken and Beautiful series, a discussion of beauty and identity. I finally met her in person at a lingerie shower for a friend. I had seen her from afar and we shared dozens of mutual friends, but I had never approached her - partially...
5 Ways Comparison Defeats You
"After this baby is born, I'm writing an entire series on why you shouldn't believe anything you read on the internet concerning pregnancy." I said to my husband, slapping my laptop shut. He chuckled. "So they shouldn't believe anything you write, either." "That's...
Why Telling Ourselves We’re Beautiful Will Never Be Enough
This post is a part of the series The Broken and Beautiful, a discussion of identity, self-perception, and beauty.
I stood in front of the mirror and frowned. What had once been the outline of my abs was disappearing overnight, my face was broken out in all-new places, and I could point out several other flaws at the drop of a hat. Mr. M poked his head in the bathroom door.
“You’re beautiful.”
I smiled wanly. “At least you think so.”
I am now five months pregnant with Baby M, and though I’ve been able to hide my growing body underneath my regular clothes so far (thank heavens for blousy trends!), it is growing more difficult by the week. Not just that, but I’ve seen the visible changes as I get dressed each morning and hastily cover up my “undesirable” to put best face forward in my world.
Many of you are like me. Pregnant or not, you look in the mirror and cringe at what you see; then you cover up the “undesirable” before facing your world.
Why Uncertainty Is Necessary
A few days ago I received my Commencement packet in the mail. As I flipped through the pages, I was in something of a daze considering how long this day has been in coming. Hours of late night work, crying over papers I was sure would be the death of me, doing my best to keep up my grades through engagement, wedding, full time job and then early stages of pregnancy – and here I am: graduation!
Until my last class concluded in March I had always been sure of two things: I had to finish my degree, and we (Mr. M and I) needed to pay off his student loans to become debt-free. In March, I finished my Bachelor of Science in Religion and we made our last payment to Sallie Mae. I wanted to shout: “I’m FREEEEE!”
Once the excitement died down, however, I realized the things I had worked toward for so many years were now complete. The things that were certain were gone. Suddenly, the future seemed clouded with a fog of options and uncertainties, completely out of my control.
Every month I reassess my goals using Lara Casey’s PowerSheets. As I wrote down my goals for May I looked back at the goals I’d listed for 2015. I was a little astonished at what I could check off.
What I Learned From My Parents’ Marriage
http://phyliciamasonheimer.com/what-i-learned-from-my-parents-marriage-guest-post/
Life Isn’t Meant to Be Easy
“You are going to be white if it kills me.”
I plopped the bucket on my kitchen floor and got down on my knees, scrub brush in hand. The grout in my kitchen tile is the bane of my existence. I’ve tried bleach, I’ve tried baking soda and vinegar, my good ole’ Murphy’s Oil Soap – nothing would make the grout white. So on my day off I decided to attack the tile with full force: baking soda and hydrogen peroxide.
What began as a small, ‘quick’ project turned into a five-hour affair of misery.
First, I ran out of baking soda (some planning would have been nice). So, I thought, isn’t washing soda pretty much the same thing?
Friends, washing soda is not the same thing as baking soda.
The washing soda and peroxide paste morphed into cement. It took an extra half hour of scrubbing, splattering all over my stove, cupboards, and refrigerator, two bruised knees and a lot of paper towel to remedy my little experiment.
I will never again tell my floor to “kill me” in order for it to be clean. Because it will.
Dear God: Here Are My Leftovers
The other night I made a magnificent replica of Olive Garden’s chicken and gnocchi soup. It had a whole stick of butter and two cups of milk and it was Italian perfection.
The problem: it made enough for six people, and Mr. M and I are only two.
I put the pot in the fridge and for the next week chicken and gnocchi stew was our primary lunch option. By the third day, I was really over it.
We were still in the midst of the gnocchi siege when my parents called, saying they would swing by on a Tuesday night – boosting our dinner number from the usual two to seven people. I raced to Kroger on my lunch to buy a fat-laced chuck roast, heirloom carrots and fingerling potatoes. Then I floored it home to get the meal in the crock pot before heading back to work.
The roast turned out perfectly for our company – walking in the door I could smell the herbs I’d rubbed into the meat, the smell of the beef broth and the vegetables, and pretty soon the green beans and rolls began to waft their scents into the air. I set the table carefully with my Blue Willow china and cleaned the kitchen. It’s not every day you have company from 16 hours away!
I put the gnocchi soup on the stovetop as a back up in case people were still hungry… but never served it. After all… it’s leftovers.
I’m a Christian, And I Cuss a Little
It’s not the first time I’ve used such choice words. Or rather, words of choice – those few who make themselves readily available in situations such as these. They lie in wait for stress, anxiety, car doors and thumbs to make their grand entrance. Not everyone struggles with their mouth and not everyone struggles with their mouth in this way. While I’m not proud about my temptation to swear when frustrated and angry, I’m not going to pretend I haven’t done it, as the story above illustrates with painful clarity. But there’s a bigger issue at play here; a question that may seem silly to ask but in a culture of compromise is one many Christians are asking: should I do anything about it?
When Achievement Becomes an Addiction
For the last two years I’ve had the same goals. All my weekly goals and daily to-do lists somehow fed into this overarching dream – one that seemed far from being realized. I prayed, wrote, proposed, saved, and plugged away at them month after month, always looking forward to the end of the ‘tunnel’ but never quite sure what I’d do when I got there.
And then I got there. I arrived.
In a matter of two weeks every goal we’d worked toward was suddenly achieved: we paid off $30,000 in Mr. M’s student loans; the career position I’d prayed and worked toward was implemented and I was given the job; I finished my bachelor’s degree; and we found out we were expecting a baby. After all the excitement settled down I found myself sitting in the living room wondering what in heaven’s name to do with myself.
In order to achieve our goals I had integrated them into the very fiber of my being. Everything I did was meant to help us reach those ends. When the goals were gone, it was as if a part of my identity was gone, too.
Dear God, I’m Not Qualified to Be a Mom
I took the pregnancy test in a hotel bathroom. I left it on the counter and went into the sitting area to do homework while Mr. M watched TV. It was our one year anniversary.
“Well?” He asked. “I don’t know anything yet,” I replied. “It’s really probably nothing. I’m going to do homework.”
Ten minutes later Mr. M came out of the bathroom holding a plastic stick with two pink lines.
“We’re having a baby!”
—
My husband was thrilled when we first found out. Just the week prior he had been asking when I thought we’d really try for a Baby M, since we weren’t really trying at all. It all happened so much faster than I had anticipated, and while I wasn’t disappointed by any means, I felt extremely unprepared.
I’m the woman who maps out the entire itinerary for a trip, day by day, list by list, prior to leaving. I’m the one who plans my grocery list around a map of the store for most efficient shopping experience. And I’m the one who plans my schedule two weeks out, so if you need an appointment, tomorrow is not available.
Six Heart Issues Marriage Will Expose
Today I am sharing a post from my blogger friend Lisa. Lisa is married with three beautiful boys and blogs at Delighting In My Days (linked at the bottom of this post). Whether you are newly married or single, these principles shared by Lisa will be helpful as you create your expectations for marriage (and even relationships in general!). All of these are issues I’ve faced in my own marriage and Lisa’s advice is well timed!
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My husband and I married young. I was 20, days away from turning 21, and Justin was 21. I still had a year of college left and my husband started work at his first post-college job four days after our wedding. The adjustment to marriage was overall a small one for us but there were sticky heart issues that I needed to face. There are plenty of things to work at as a couple but there are some that only you can fix. Here are six of the heart problems that I found when we got married.
Why I No Longer Read Fiction
The laborious groan of a UPS truck pulled me away from stovetop to kitchen window, where I peered through my blinds like a nosy neighbor. Every time the UPS truck pulls into our complex, I am at the window willing the khaki-clad man to have something in that truck addressed to me. It’s my CBD order – a stack of books I’d bought as my reward for finishing my second, and last, college degree.
The UPS man drove off and I went back to cooking dinner. As a voracious reader, the best reward I could think for myself was a whole stack of recreational books, considering my reading material for the majority of the last three years has been made up of theology textbooks and other assigned reading.
But when I put together my book list, I did not select any fiction. That’s because I don’t read it. This comes as a surprise to many people since fiction is enjoyed by many – and it once was stacked on my bedside table, too. But I stopped reading it, and here’s why:
1. Much modern fiction – especially Christian fiction – has a plot line focused on a love story or romantic theme.
The Practical Power of God’s Love
Nobody has it all together, but that doesn’t make sin okay (and anger and fear are both sins, because they are contrary to God’s perfect nature). It means I – and you – draw closer to the God who has reached down to make us whole and holy, the only place where we can find security outside ourselves and relief from every fear.